From now on only you and I
by sospeechless
Summary: Tori and Beck are best friends since Freshmen year. What Tori doesn't know: Beck has been falling for her since their very first day. Totally aware of the fact that admitting his feelings for her would ruin everything he starts dating Jade West to get over Tori even though he knows that the girls hate each other... Rated T for future chapters.
1. Introduction

Hi there! It's me, TheCerisekiss. Some of you maybe started reading my Vavan story _Some things are better left unsaid_. Unfortunately, I had to delete this story, but I had another idea, so here's my new story now – this time a Bori story!

Please be aware of the fact that English is not my first language! I try my best and I'm really sorry if there are any mistakes in my texts. Please be indulgent. I'd really appreciate tips for improving my language, so just go ahead if there's something you wanna say.

Disclaimer:

I do NOT own Victorious. This is fanfiction and has nothing to do with what happens in the series. All rights belong to Dan Schneider!

* * *

**FROM NOW ON ONLY YOU AND I**

_A BORI LOVE STORY_

STARRING:

_Tori Vega_

_Beck Oliver_

_Cat Valentine_

_Jade West_

_Robbie Shapiro (+ Rex)_

_André Harris_

_Trina Vega_

_Erwin Sikowitz_

_Sinjin_

_Mrs Holly Vega_

_Mr David Vega_

_Mrs Oliver_

_Mr Oliver_

_Several students from HA_

SUMMARY:

I changed the story a bit. Please read this short summary so you know what's going on:

Tori and Beck are best friends since Freshmen year. What Tori doesn't know: Beck has been falling for her since their very first day. Totally aware of the fact that admitting his feelings for her would ruin everything he starts dating Jade West to get over Tori even though he knows that the girls hate each other.

How will Tori react if she finds out about Beck's relationship with the girl she hates most? And will Beck's plan work out? Does dating Jade really help him to get over Tori?


	2. When it all falls apart

**Author's note:**

Here's the first chapter (: Gosh, it took me like forever to do it :D Hope you like it! Please indulge a bit, English is not my first language!

Any tips or just wanna say something? Please review!

I do NOT own Victorious, all rights belong to Dan Schneider!

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE**

_WHEN IT ALL FALLS APART_

TORI'S POV

"YOUR WHAT?!" I exclaimed and shot him one of my _"Are you kidding me?!"_ looks. He was joking with me, right? Beck Oliver had a girlfriend?! No. No, that couldn't be true! I would have noticed that. He would have told me long ago. Furiously I jumped up and started walking to and fro.

"You have a girlfriend for... for weeks and you didn't tell me _anything_?! Am I the last person to find out, or something?!" I yelled. I made an enraged gesture with my hands to show him how upset I was. The more I got used to the idea that Beck had a girlfriend the angrier I became. What the hell had made him think that there was no need to tell me such a thing?! I'm his freaking best friend! Am I making too great demands on expecting that I deserved to be the first person to know about that? I did, obviously. As I turned around to finally face him I was still too stunned to calm down. I ran my hand through my hair and then folded my arms. "Seriously?!" I asked trying to hide the disappointement and hurt in my voice. I totally failed. Gosh, I didn't even know why, but I totally disavowed what I had found out a few seconds ago. Beck had a girlfriend. No, that wasn't true!

"Tori, please! God, I knew you would react like this. That's why I didn't want to te-" He immediately cut himself off when he saw the death glare I was giving him.  
"I'M REACTING LIKE THIS 'CAUSE YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING! Don't act like I'm one of those stupid girls who freak out everytime their best friend has a new girlfriend! You know exactly that I'd grant you everything. I just don't get why you didn't tell me such an important thing. I'm your fucking best friend, Beck!" Without even knowing why I buried my face in my hands and took a deep breath. _Alright, Tori, everything's alright! Don't overreact! Keep calm, don't get upset, that wouldn't help anyways! _Wow. That was a pretty miserable try to calm down... And it didn't work at all. I was far from okay... I suddenly felt Beck's hand on my shoulder but immediately shook it off. "Drop it!" I hissed and backed off. "I'm extremly disappointed in you!" I probably exagerated a bit and I probably was way too harsh on him but I still felt kinda... betrayed? What have I done that he didn't want to tell me he had a girlfriend? That just... just wasn't fair.

"Come on, Tor! Don't be in a snit! Listen, I'm sorry. Really! I know I should have told you earlier..." Before I could say a word Beck pulled me into a hug. I wanted to back off again but as soon as he had pulled me close I couldn't help but calming down. This boy knew exactly what to do so that I just couldn't stay mad at him for too long. God damn it.  
"Mwaah, you... you..." I groaned while punching him playfully in his chest. My voice cracked as he finally let go. With a satisfied expression on his face he grinned at me. I bit my lip and sighed indulgingly. "You're such... such an idiot! Don't you dare to ever do that again, Beck Oliver!" With an even brighter smile he tousled my hair.  
"I promise" he said.

"Good... Um, then... tell me... who's the lucky one?" I asked curiously and cocked my head. That'd better be a lucky girl! Beck was the most amazing boy at Hollywood Arts, he's all a girl could want and need – a gentleman, sweet and caring, handsome, gentle. He was nearly perfect and I, Tori Vega, swear I'm going to kill the girl who dares to break his heart.

As I noticed the strange expression on his face I raised an eyebrow. Something about the way he looked at me didn't please me at all. As if he knew I wouldn't like the answer... He slowly took a few steps forward and gave me a severe look.

"Promise me that you won't freak out, ok?" That pleased me even less but I tried to dissemble and put on an expectant and innocent smile instead.

"Sure" I said with a bit too high-pitched voice.

"It's... it's Jade."

I stood there for a while trying to find my words again. I could feel my jaw dropping and how my eyes widened. I tried to say something but as soon as I had opened my mouth I already closed it again. Then, almost in slow motion, I started shaking my head. No, this wasn't true. He simply couldn't mean it. No, not Jade West. Of all people it was her?! No, no, no, no, no! No, he must be joking! I still stared at him quite stunned until I was finally able to speak again.

"Sorry?" I groaned. He blushed a bit and quickly backed off a few steps as if he feared I'd have a fit of rage any moment.

"Jade and I are dating" he said obviously trying to sound cool and innocent. I didn't know why but I felt a sudden pain in my chest.

"No" I whispered hoarsely "no, you're joking. Beck! Tell me you're joking!" I could feel a strange feeling in my stomach. It felt like... sickness? But sickness wouldn't even describe the feeling I really had right now. Why Jade? Why of all girls Jade?! This stupid, annoying, selfish, mean bitch that nobody could stand, especially not me?! If this situation wasn't this damn serious I probably would have thought Beck was joking with me. Somewhere inside I really had the hope he was, but this didn't look like a joke at all!

I took a deep breath, then alighted on his bed again and buried my face in my hands. My thoughts went wild and as I closed my eyes I could see Jade's smirk and Beck's apologetic smile right in front of me. Images of them kept popping up in my mind and I just couldn't help it. They were everywhere. A happy couple, an endearing embrace, their intertwined fingers, a passionate kiss... I had to put myself together not to vomit. For some reason, and I couldn't even explain why I was so selfish, I didn't want Beck to have a girlfriend, at least not if her name's Jade. This girl wasn't right for him, she didn't deserve a guy like him. She would destroy him... or at least our friendship. My heart skipped a beat as I saw another picture of them holding hands, having fun... and how Beck forgot about me.

Suddenly I jumped. It felt like I've just woken up from a bad dream. As I opened my eyes I caught Beck's eye. He knelt in front of me giving me a guilty look. When he made a sudden movement with his hand as if he was trying to take my hand I immediately backed off and wrapped my arms around my legs. Without even knowing why I turned away from him and buried my head in my knees. Somehow I knew I doated. It probably was more than obvious that I was kinda... jealous. Yah, me. Tori Vega. The girl that was supposed to be his best friend. But I just couldn't help it. It was all because of Jade...

"Why did I know this would happen?" He suddenly whispered. I snorted. Shaking my head I gazed at him.

"What do you expect me to do?!" I responded trying to stay calm. I didn't want to lose my temper. Not again. "First you "forget" to tell me about your girlfriend, and then... then of all girls from Hollywood Arts it's Jade?! Of course I'm upset! Justifiably, if you ask me. You know exactly that I can't stand her! But hey, why asking me? It's your life, do what you want!"

I made a meaningful movement with my hands trying to show him that I didn't even care even though it was more than clear that that was a lie. Why was I so selfish? I had no right to be jealous! We were best friends... I should be happy form him, shouldn't I?! But... That Beck had a girlfriend upset me much more than it actually should. I sighed. _That this is getting me down isn't your problem..._ I took a deep breath and finally tried to catch his eye again. What was going on with me?! I wasn't allowed to be jealous! What the hell was wrong with me?! And why the hell wasn't I even able to hide this feeling?!

"That's exactly the point, Tori! It's my life! Jade and I are dating and you should accept that. You're my best friend and… actually there shouldn't be need telling your best friend how to react..." _Um, what?_ Was he trying to tell me I was a bad best friend? No, that just couldn't be true. How could someone be so... so... blind?!

"FINE!" I exclaimed feeling the upcomming anger rushing trough my body again. "Fine! If that's the way you see it... there's no need for me to stay! You should be glad, you won't have to tell me anything from now on!" Could this get any worse?! I wasn't able to hide the hurt and disappointement in my voice, but I actually didn't even care anymore. Without waiting for an answer I jumped up and hurried to the door of Beck's RV. I knew this was stupid and I knew that my childish behavior would ruin everything... Running away from my problems definitely wasn't a solution and sooner or later I had to face the truth, but... right now I didn't know anything else to do. I really didn't want to lose him, but this whole Jade-problem threw me completely... I just couldn't stand this anymore. All I wanted was to leave, even though this was at least as stupid as everything else I'd already done today.

"Tori! Tori, come back, this is foolish!" I could swear there was a kind of hurt in his voice. Hurt... but also anger. I felt myself blushing. My hand still rested on the doorknob but I somehow refused to push it. _No, come on Tor, ignore him. Just leave! Don't turn around now._ "Tori, please! Don't be a fool" he begged. I knew he was right. I definitely was stupid. But that was the last thing I wanted to admit. I still wanted to leave if it wasn't for the sound in his voice that held me back. I sighed as I finally turned around. _Gosh, what's wrong with me?!_

"I already am a fool, I think" I replied staring at my feet so he wouldn't see the guilt in my eyes. Didn't I want to leave? Yeah... But now it was too late anyways.

"Yah, maybe" Beck admitted. I took a deep breath. I didn't know what to do. This whole thing had thrown me and I couldn't even explain why. Beck had made me say things I didn't even want to say. And now... now that I saw him standing there giving me this concerned look I regretted everything I'd said before.

"I'm sorry Beck!" I finally whispered to my feet "I... I exagerated, I know. I guess I was just... just jealous. Gosh, please don't get me wrong. I'm happy for you. Really! I'm so glad you've finally found someone! But... I'm just scared I might lose you..." I felt myself blushing again and swallowed. Gosh, that all sounded so cheesy... _Tori Vega, you're such an idiot!_ When I finally looked up I saw him approaching. I quickly stared down at my feet again but not a second later I felt his hand under my chin and he softly forced me to look him in the eye. A slight smile appeared on his face when he finally pulled me into a hug.

"Listen, Tori" he whispered into my ear "you're by far the best friend I've ever had. You mean a lot to me and just because I'm dating Jade now that doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with you anymore, okay? You won't lose me, no matter what's going to happen! Nobody would ever come between us!"  
"I know... I've been a fool. I'm so sorry, Beck!"

"It's okay, Tori." He gave me a peck on the cheek and then looked at me with one of his bright smiles. I sighed and smiled back politely. I felt kinda... numb? Exhausted? Yeah, something like that. I didn't know why but something just felt different. Like... when you suddenly realize that this one person means much more to you than you thought. And of course this was by far the worst moment to realize something like that. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before saying these words I know I would regret sooner or later.

"You're my best friend and I really love you. So... I think I should give Jade a try. She's probably not as bad as everybody says. She actually can't be 'cause you like her, right? If you're in love with her I'll accept that. And... I want to get to know her better... I don't say I'm going to be friends with her but... I'm willing to give her a try."

"Awww that's my Tori!" Beck said with a grin and pulled me into another hug. I forced an awkward fake smile. Yah. That was his Tori. And it was exactly the same Tori that would be going down sooner or later...


	3. This is how it goes down

**Author's note:**

Awww, thank you guys so much for the reviews and story alerts! That means a lot to me (:

Here's the second chapter now! It's a bit shorter than the last one because I didn't had much time, so please indulge a bit. And I still haven't had a chance to bring other characters into the story. Sorry for that! Hope you like it anyways!

And once again: I don't own Victorious! The idea of my story is based on the series produced by Dan Schneider.

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**CHAPTER TWO**

_THIS IS HOW IT GOES DOWN_

BECK'S POV

I sighed as I finally closed the door. I somehow felt relieved but guilty at the same time. With a slight smile on my face I looked out of the small window of my RV and watched Tori walk away. Her hair was flipping around around her waist when she suddenly turned around and waved at me for a last time. I grinned and lifted my hand to say goodybe and then she disappeared behind the corner. I couldn't help but smile. Everything about this girl was beautiful... she was beautiful from the inside and outside, I would even say she was flawless... but... god damn it, why was I even thinking about this? I had Jade. And... shouldn't I be happy about that? I was, at least I tried to be. But thinking about how I was using Jade to get over the girl I really loved... made me feel sick. I slowly turned into someone I'd never wanted to be and I couldn't even help it. How could I be so selfish? Jade didn't deserve this and I was totally aware of the fact that I'd hurt her sooner or later... Cause even if I hoped that dating her would help me to get over Tori I already knew that my feelings for her wouldn't go away, no matter how hard I'd try. God damn it, what had I let myself in for?

TORI'S POV

It's been a month now since Beck had told me that he and Jade were dating and I still felt kinda... uncomfortable? with that. Remember how I said I would like to get to know Jade better? And how glad I was that she was the one who made him happy and that I'll accept their relationship? **That. Was. A. Lie!** Don't get me wrong, I definitely was happy for him. After all he was still my best friend and what kind of friend would I be if I wasn't happy for him? But... Somehow I couldn't help thinking that he could do so much better than Jade. She didn't deserve him! It's not that I haven't tried becoming friends with her... I actually didn't know how many times I've tried to get along with her – definitely more than one time – but no matter what I had done – nothing had worked.

Everytime I spent time with her and Beck she made it more than clear that I was undesired. Wanna hear some examples? Fine, here you go: One time Beck and I were standing at my locker and we really did nothing more than talking about the play we are currently doing in acting class. We were laughing together and when he was playfully nudging my arm Jade suddenly appeared out of nowhere, pulled him close and started making out with him. Another time I joined our friends at lunch and as soon as I sat down next to Beck Jade put her arm around him and they started making out again. They actually did nothing else than making out... I mean... Seriously? Their relationship was nothing more than a make-out session? I didn't get why Jade always had to clarify that Beck belonged to her. I mean... I know he's her boyfriend, right? No need to prove me everytime I was around. I tried so hard to accept their relationship and I did quite I good job so far, I think. But I missed my best friend. I missed everything about him. After a few weeks of dating I already knew I was right thinking that Jade would take him away from me... Why did it always have to be me? Of all girls he could get he picked Jade? Argh... It was even worse than I thought it would be. Everytime I saw them together I forced myself not to leave... and everytime I saw them kissing I felt like I had to vomit. Was I jealous? No. Um... Yes. Argh, I just didn't know! I couldn't be jealous, I wasn't allowed to be jealous... But I was. There was no way denying that.

Yah, and here I was, sitting on my bed with my diary on my legs. Actually I should have started getting ready for the party at Cat's tonight, but somehow I couldn't concentrate on nonessential stuff like that... Lost in thought I ran over the pages. There were a lot of new entries since Beck had told me he and Jade were together and they all dealed with only one subject: Them.

_ Sep 08, 2011_

_Dear diary,_

_I need to talk to someone and as Beck is definitely no option I guess I have to talk to myself. Fine, why not? If it helps... Well, whatever, back to my problems. Beck is no option cause... it wouldn't be helpful to get steamed about the fact that he has a girlfriend when he's around, right? I mean... Sure, I could talk to him about that but... no. No way! He would think I'm jealous. And I am NOT jealous! Me? Never! Well, at least I never was until he told me he and Jade West are dating. JADE WEST! The girl I hate, the girl I've always hated! I don't want her to be his girlfriend. She's mean and sneaky and I'm sure she will take him away from me, even though Beck promised me that nothing would ever come between us. But I just know she will... I don't want to loose him. He's my best friend... And now there's this stupid bitch and... AHHH! Did I already say that I'm not jealous? I'm just mad. Mad and disappointed... disappointed that Beck likes her and... fine, I'm jealous! But there's no way I'm going to admit that! No, I'm going to act like everything's okay. I already told him everything's fine, sooo... I won't stop acting like all was well... And he's going to believe me! Argh, I hate my life!_

_Sep 15, 2011_

_Why did I tell him I wanted to give her a try? I knew I hate her and I knew that this feeling about her wouldn't change just because Beck and her are together now. Jade West and Tori Vega = friends? NO WAY! I swear I'm going to kill her. Someday I'm going to kill her! And Beck will be thankful... and he will realize what I really mean to him! Argh, wait, why am I even thinking about this again? He's my best friend! Shit. Tori Vega, don't you dare to think about stuff like that! He's nothing but your best friend. And he'll always be..._

_Sep 23, 2011_

_They drive me insane. Everytime I am around they start making out. I mean... They are in love, I know... And that's great. - No, it isn't, but I just thought I should try a new methode to convince myself that it is great... Okay, it doesn't work. - Back to my problem: They don't have to show that to everybody at Hollywood Arts, right? Especially not to me... Everytime I see them kissing I feel like I need to punch her in the lips. What the hell is going on with me? I've never been this aggressive. That's actually Jade's part, right? Argh! Somebody help me, I think I'm losing grip!_

Wow. Did I really sound this desperate? Damn it, I just don't know what's wrong with me lately... I really felt like I needed to talk to someone... Someone real and not to a stupid diary. Gosh, now was the time I normally would have called Beck but this subject was definitely nothing I wanted to talk about with him. Guess there was time for girlstalk... Poor little Cat...


	4. Moment of truth

**Author's note:**

Here's the third chapter (: I finally brought some of the other characters into the story, so there's a lot of dialogue this time... Let's get the party started :D Hope you like it!  
And thank you so much for the story alerts and reviews! You guys are so nice!

Disclaimer

I do NOT own Victorious! All rights belong to Dan Schneider.

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**CHAPTER THREE**

_MOMENT OF TRUTH_

JADE'S POV

_(flashback)_

"No, you don't."

"I do."

"No. No, you don't!"  
"But..." He immediately cut himself off as he noticed the death glare I was giving him.  
"Beck! You will NOT go to that stupid party without me!" I yelled.

"Why don't you wanna come with me? All our friends are there and I bet it's going to be fun." He still didn't get it? What the hell? Is my boyfriend really this dumb? I took a deep breath trying to calm down a bit, but it didn't work at all.

"That Vega girl is **not** my friend!" I said in a rage "I only tolerate the others and Cat's basically a pet! You really want me to spend time with these freaks? No way, Beck! NO WAY! I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't get what your problem is! You're my girlfriend, I like you... But they still are my friends and I want to spend time with them. Don't you think you should at least give them a try? Tori has been so nice to you the la-"  
"STOP TALKING ABOUT VEGA!" I interrupted him. He sighed and then looked at me with a serious expression on his face.

"Come on, Jade. Give them a try! Please. Come with me."  
"NO!"

"You really wanna stay at home?" I nodded and he looked at me for a few seconds. I just stared back trying to put all my rage in that glare I was giving him. It obviously didn't impress him at all. "Fine!" he yelled "do what you want, but I will go to Cat's party – with or without you!"

"Fine! Go to that stupid party! Go and see your stupid friends! Have fun! WITHOUT ME!"  
"You know what? That's exactly what I'm going to do!"

"GREAT!"

"GREAT!"

_(end of flashback)_

I didn't want to believe he really wanted to go to that party without me. I'm his fucking girlfriend! Didn't I mean anything to him? But fine... he will see soon enough that that was a mistake. No one ever dares to upset Jade West!

TORI'S POV

I was kinda nervous as I knocked on the door of Cat's. I really needed someone to talk to but I wasn't quite sure if Cat was the wisest decision... Sure, she was my best friend and I really loved her. But she had this little problem with keeping secrets. She would never tell a secret on purpose, it was always more like an accident... But she was the only person I could talk to right now. Beck was definitely no option, let alone Robbie (and inevitably Rex). And André? He was Beck's best friend after all. Of course I trusted him, but I would feel uncomfortable if it was him of all people who would know how I really felt. Sooo... no one was left but Cat. Let's just hope she will keep her trap shut.

When Cat finally opened the door there was a weird silence between us. For a few seconds she just looked at me with an absent-minded smile on her face, then she suddenly hugged me and pulled me into her house.

"Toriiii! What are you doing here? You are too early!" She shrieked in her generic high voice.

"What a nice way to say 'hi' to your best friend" I answered playing a bit offended but I wasn't really able to hide a grin. She pulled a face and I quickly nudged her playfully. "Nah, it's okay. I just thought you might need some help preparing everything? Sooo... here I am. Ready to help!" With a bright fake smile on my face I lifted my hands to show my enthusiasm. I had quickly decided not to go like a bull at a gate. Just in case...

"Aww, that's so sweet! Okay... you could help me with the music."  
"Sure, okay!"

"Um, I have some problem with the stereo. It doesn't work! I don't know why..." she said and pulled another face.

"Well, let's see... Did you do anything?" I asked giving her an encouraging smile.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, I just want to know if you did anything else than usual..."

"Oh... Um... No, I guess not. I just..." Cat walked over to the stereo and examined it doubtfully. I could see her fiddling with something behind the speaker and I slowly moved over to get a closer look. When she suddenly turned around holding a cable in her hand I raised an eyebrow.  
"What's that?" I asked pointing to the cable.

"A cable."

"I see it... But what are you doing with a cable?"  
"Oh... it was just lying there..."

"Was it connected?"

"No."

"Cat!" I groaned.  
"What? I didn't do anything! Don't scream at me!" She shrieked. I sighed and smiled at her.

"Cat... if you want the stereo to work you have to connect it to the power outlet!" I felt like talking to a five-year-old. That was... Cat, yah. A typical Cat-example.  
"I know! I'm not stup – oh..." she suddenly cut herself off and looked at the cable. I grinned and took it out of her hand, then walked over to the stereo and re-connected it to the wall outlet. As soon as I did so the music started playing.

"Yaaaay, problem solved" Cat screamed joyfully and clapped her hands together.

After that we prepared food – a masterpiece of an ice cream bomb and some sort of cold buffet – and then finally went upstairs to Cat's room. She asked me to help her with her hair and we sat down on her bed. I guess it was time to come out with the truth now...  
"Cat?" My voice was a bit too high. It always was when I was nervous. And as if that wasn't enough I could feel the weird feeling in my tummy.

"Hmm?"

"Can I tell you something?"  
"Sure!"  
"But promise me you won't tell anybody, okay? Especially not Beck! And not even Robbie!"

"Okay" she said nonchalantly. I sighed. Why did I feel like she would do it anyways?

"I mean it Cat. This needs to be a secret between us! No talking! To nobody!"

"I promise."

"Good... Well... You know... Beck and I are best friends, right? ... but... since he started dating Jade I always feel like... I need to kill her whenever she's around. I never could really stand her but it even got worse since... since she's his girlfriend... I don't know... I told myself things like how I should be happy for him... That's what best friends are supposed to be, right? Happy... I even tried to become friends with Jade! But... argh, I don't know what to do, Cat. Everytime I see them together I have to pull myself together not to vomit. I hate seeing them kiss or hug. I hate knowing that Beck is taken... God damn it, I'm the worst best friend ever!" As I finally ended my flood of words I could feel relief rushing through my body. I had finally told someone. _Gosh, it feels so good._

Then, there was an awkward silence between us. Cat didn't say a word and I felt more and more like an idiot. Ugh, maybe it has been a bad idea telling her. Why didn't she respond? I mean... you usually expect your best friend to say something after such a flood of words, right? Especially when it was dealing with a problem like this... But... Suddenly Cat broke the silence. And the words she said didn't cheer me up at all. Quite the contrary...

"Oh my god, Tori! You're in love with Beck!" My heart skipped a beat. _Um, what?_ No! No, no, no! Not at all! No way! Me? In love with Beck? Hahahahahaha. She was just joking, right? Pff, me... in love with Beck. That was insane!  
"No!" I finally shrieked "Of course not!"

"Oh yes, you are!"  
"No! I'm... I'm just... jealous?"

"Ohh, one time my brother was jealous because his best friend had a new girlfriend and he was in love with her... He had to..."

"CAT!"

"Ahhh, don't scream at me!"

"Sorry... but... I don't want to talk about your brother right now... There are other things that keep bothering me!"

"What things?" she asked curiously making me shoot her a _"Seriously?"_ look.

"Beck?"

"Oh... yeah! You have feelings for him..."

"Yes... What? Wait, no! I mean... maybe... I don't know... I never felt something like that before... He's my best friend. I can't feel more than friendship for him!" Oh my godness, that couldn't be true. I wasn't in love with Beck. Beck Oliver was only my best friend. The most amazing friend I ever had... And definitely the most handsome... _Wait! Stop thinking this. Are you insane, Tori Vega?_

"Tori...What's so bad about that?"  
"This is more than just bad! I can't be in love with him! He's my best friend and he has a girlfriend!" I jumped up and started pacing around.

"But..."

"No, Cat! Oh my god! No, no, no, no, no! This is not happening! I am not in love with him. I mean... HAHAHAHA. Why should I? We are only best friends. We've always been just friends! No need to change that!"

"Tori, don't freak out. You scare me!" Cat said with a whiny voice. I immediately stopped myself from walking and took a seat again.

"I'm sorry, Cat... It's just... I don't want this to happen. I don't know what to do! Gosh, why me?"

At that very moment the doorbell rang - meaning our conversation was over... for now. I immediately jumped up and so did Cat. She gave me an encouraging smile and promised we would talk later.

"Cat? Remember: No talking! This is our personal secret!" I reminded her before going downstairs.

"Yaaay, I love secrets! I won't tell anybody, I promise!"

"Good..."

Leaning againt the wall I took a deep breath and forced a bright smile as Cat opened the door . _Ok, Tor, time to party! Just act like nothing's wrong... Come on, girl, you can do that! You're an actress!_ I sighed and finally looked up to see who it was. That was a mistake. There he was – the cause of my problems. Beck Oliver entered the house, his dark, tousled hair in his face, a sparkle in his chocolate brown eyes and this amazing bright smile on his face... As soon as he looked at me I felt my knees getting weak. _Oh my godness..._ I didn't remember that this boy had such an effect on me.

"Hi Tori" he said with a grin and I felt myself blushing. I didn't even notice that he greeted me before Cat. I forced another smile and then walked down the last few steps of the staircase to give him a little hug. As he pulled me close I had to pull myself together not to have a go at him... _Gosh, this smell! – Wait! Stop thinking this! You can't be thinking about this when he's around... or even worse: Jade... - Eww, speaking of Jade... where is she?_

When I finally let go of him I gave him another smile.

"Where's Jade?" I asked trying to not sound that annoyed.

"She didn't want to come" he responded with a slight smile on his face.

"Oh... Really?" It took me everything to hide my happiness about that. Jade wouldn't be here? Seemed like somebody finally has answered my prayers. "Thank god!" I murmered under my breath. This would definitely be the best evening for a long time!


	5. Do you feel it, too?

**CHAPTER FOUR**

_DO YOU FEEL IT, TOO?_

BECK'S POV

There she was, standing right in front of me with that beautiful smile on her face. I couldn't take my eyes off her. The knee-length white dress she was wearing fit perfectly along her tanned skin, her amazing dark eyes and her brown curls. She appeared like a dream to me and I had to pull myself together not to forget everything around me and just kiss her. _God damn it, Beck. Don't be so cheesy! _I had to tell myself that sentence way too often during the past few months. But I just couldn't help it. Everytime Tori was around I couldn't rip that goofy smile off my face. With her, everything felt better. Gosh, how can one single person have such an effect on me?

Then, as if I had suddenly become aware of the fact that I was staring at her for what seemed like forever, I finally turned to Cat.  
"Hey" I said with a grin and gave her a little hug, "nobody's here yet?"  
"Tori's here!"

"I know, Cat... I actually meant our other friends... Robbie, André? Our classmates?" I added and cleared my troat trying to hide my laughter. Cat wasn't the brightest star in the sky... No, she actually was kinda... dumb? In a cute way, of course. At least it was always fun to be with her. You won't get bored when Cat's around, trust me!

"Oh... No, they aren't here yet." She shrugged and gave me one of her absent-minded smiles.  
"Ok. – Um, so, what are you doing here, Tor? I mean... I'm actually a bit early and..."

"Oh, I was helping Cat with the music and food. We had a little problem with the stereo..." She laughed and nudged Cat playfully.  
"Did you know that you need to connect the cable to the power outlet?" Cat asked me with a confused and amazed expression on her face.

"Um... well, I thought that's obvious, isn't it? Who would... – oh! Don't tell me you forgot to connect it!"

"What's that supposed to mean? Are you telling me I'm dumb?" She shrieked.

"No! No, not at all!" I quickly replied trying to calm her down a bit. Wow. That girl had some really bad problem. Maybe she should try some calmative...

"Okay" she giggled. I sighed. Cat Valentine confused me over and over again. First she's offended without any good reason and suddenly she starts giggling (of course without any reason, too). I think I could really use a dictionary: Cat – English, English – Cat. But then again... that probably wouldn't even help.

"Um, well... alright then..." I finally said. Tori winked at me and grinned as she nodded her head slightly in Cat's direction. She knew exactly how I felt. Nobody would ever be able to understand what's going on in the head of our Little Red. She was... just Cat.

"So... everything's working now?" I asked trying to keep the conversation going.

"Yeah, Tori solved our stereo problem" Cat explained, "and then we went upstairs and had a little girls talk. She told me such a crazy thing! You know what? She –"

"I did her hair! Look! Pretty, huh?" Tori immediately cut her off and shot her a death glare. I gave both of them a rather confused look and was a bit surprised that I saw Tori blushing. Something told me that Cat was about to tell me what their little girls talk was about. And I obviously wasn't supposed to know. Fine. Whatever? I wasn't even sure if I wanted to know what a "girls talk" was dealing with...

"Yaaay! She did my hair! Look, isn't a nice?" Cat shrieked excidetly and spinned around to show me her hairstyle. She was wearing some sort of updo. Don't ask me to describe it! I'm a guy, I am absolutely clueless about girls' hairstyles. But it actually suited her, she seemed much more classy than the girly Cat I knew. I finally smiled and nodded in response. From the corner of my eyes I could see Tori blushing again. She giggled a bit as I gave her a smile. Man, that girl really fancied me...  
"It's nothing special" she said giggling, then she turned around and walked over to the living room. Without saying a word I followed her, and so did Cat. When she suddenly stopped, I almost bumped into her. Cat giggled.

"Sooo... why didn't Jade want to come?" Tori asked and turned around to face me. I could see she was trying to sound disappointed, but I could tell from the sparkle in her eyes that she was actually pretty optimistic about that. I couldn't blame her, Jade was really rude to her, even though she had tried so hard becoming friends with her. That meant a lot to me, but then again it also made me kinda sad. I was in love with her and seeing her accepting my relationship with another girl showed me she didn't love me back.

"She had one of her extra-bad-mood-days today" I replied and forced a smile, "she didn't want to hang out with "these freaks", to say it in her words." Cat giggled again, but I ignored her.

"Oh. That's... sad" Tori said. I knew she didn't feel sad, but it was still cute seeing her trying to convince me of that. "It's not my fault, is it?" She suddenly asked.  
"What?"

"She gets along with the others, but I know she can't stand me and..." She bit her lip.  
"Oh my god, no, Tori! No! She's just... – Look, let's just forget about Jade tonight, ok?"  
"Were you fighting?" She gave me a concerned look. It would be a waste of time to deny that. Tori was my best friend, I couldn't fool her. So I took a deep breath and nodded in response. She caught my eye and I knew this time she really was sad.

"Sorry 'bout that..."

"No, it's okay. Let's just have fun tonight, ok? I'm actually kinda glad she wanted to stay home. At least she can't hinder me from spending time with my best friend now." I smiled at her and she grinned back.  
"Sounds good." She replied.

Gradually, the party was about to start. Loud music and gabbing people filled Cat's house and everybody was in a very good mood. This night was going to be awesome, I just knew it. Tori and I were walking through the rooms trying to find a place were we could be a little more undisturbed. That was easier said then done, so we finally decided to sit down on the staircase. Not my first choice and definitely not as comfortable as a couch, but at least we wouldn't be interrupted by one of our friends or classmates, who were all in the living room or garden. Soon enough we were talking about kinda everything – just like in old times. I really had missed that. Since Jade and I were dating, I haven't spent time with her that often. Not least because Jade made a claim on me almost every free minute. That was actually pretty annoying... But... whatever. Didn't I say I don't want to think about Jade tonight? This night was reserved for Tori. And only for her..

I smiled while I was watching her sipping her cocktail every now and then. Her hair fell over her shoulders in a mass of curls, her eyes were sparkling and she was smiling like non-stop. All I could think about was how beautiful she was and I really had to concentrate on what she was saying... She offered me her cocktail several times, but I refused. I had decided not to drink alcohol because I had to drive home by myself, but obviously I was the only one who did so. Soon enough I could see drunk people tumbling around obviously not knowing where they were. Others were lying on the floor no longer able to do anything and every now and then people decided that Cat's floor was the right place to start a make-out session. So much for being undisturbed...

I sighed as I turned to Tori. She was giggling and I could tell from the way she looked at me that she was drunk aswell. _Shit!_ I had never seen her like this before. She just didn't stop laughing and was pretty amped. She actually reminded me of Cat. Why the hell didn't I pay attention? I should have been keeping an eye on her... God damn it, that she always had to throw me...

"Okay, Tori" I finally said and took her drink, "no more alcohol for you tonight."

"Beeeeck!" She screeched, "come on, give me my drink back! I need it!"

"No, you don't!"

"Beeeck!" She looked at me with her puppy eyes and I forced myself to not give in. She pulled at face and bit her lip. Without even knowing why I gave her a little peck on her cheek and pulled her a bit closer.

"No, sweetie. You're way too drunk! Come, share a dance with me." That was probably a bad idea as Tori wasn't really able to walk straight anymore, but then again it would hinder her from drinking more alcohol... That's why I didn't even wait for an answer and just grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dancefloor. Cat flashed me a meaningful glance and winked as we passed her. I wasn't quite sure what she meant by that, so I just gave her a slight smile.

Tori was tumbling a bit as we finally reached the dancefloor and I pulled her closer to make sure she wouldn't fall. Another song started and I laid my hands on her waist. As soon as I touched her I could feel electricity rushing trough my fingers. _Oh my god, Beck, pull yourself together! _She grinned and not a second later she wrapped her arms around my neck. I could feel my heart beating faster as she glanced at me with that bright smile on her face. I suddenly got the urge to kiss her. _No, Beck! Are you insane? Stop thinking this! She's drunk! And – even more important – you have a girlfriend! STOP IT!_ Tori still grinned at me and I forced a smile so she wouldn't notice what I was thinking about. Well, if she was even able to notice anything...

We danced together for a while and it seemed like we were in our own world. Tori sang along the song:

_We are here, we're all alone in our own universe  
We are free, where everything's allowed and love comes first  
Forever and ever together, we sail into infinity  
We're higher and higher and higher, we're reaching for divinity_

_Euphoria, forever 'till the end of time_  
_From now on, only you and I, we're going u-u-u-u-u-up_  
_Euphoria, an everlasting piece of art_  
_A beating love within my heart, we're going u-u-u-u-u-up_

I loved listening to her voice. It made her even more beautiful... And this song... was perfect. It described exactly how I felt for her. _From now on only you and I._ Yeah. If it wasn't for Jade... When she suddenly stopped singing I gave her a confused look, but she just grinned and pulled me a bit closer.

"Beck?" She whispered and I could feel my heart stop a beat as her face was only a few inches away from mine.

"Y-yeah?" My voice broke.

"There's something I wanna try..." She suddenly stood up on her tiptoes and laid her hand on my cheek. Once again I could feel electricity rushing though every single part of my body. With a slight smile on my face I stroked her hair. She smiled back at me and then closed her eyes and slowly leaned in for a kiss. _Oh my god! No, Beck! No! You have to stop it! She's drunk, she doesn't know what she's doing. She doesn't really want this!_But I just couldn't help it. Kissing her was all I ever wanted. I hated myself for being that selfish. I knew she didn't really know what she was doing, it was the alcohol speaking. She didn't want this like I did. But I needed that kiss. I wanted it so badly. Suddenly everything around us seemed to fade away. It was only me and her, nobody else. I put my hand on her cheek and pulled her face closer to mine. And then...

* * *

**Author's note:**

I really have some sort of creative phase, I think :D Fourth chapter for you today! Hope you like it! And thanks so much for the reviews and alerts (: I really appreciate that!

And not to forget: I don't own Victorious! This is only fanfiction that is based on the series, but all rights belong to Dan Schneider!

The song I used in this chapter is called _Euphoria_. It's by Loreen, a swedish singer.


	6. Almost doesn't count

**Author's note:**

Wow, this was pretty fast. Here's chapter five for you guys! Let me just say one thing: Let's hope Tori can get rid of this annoying person...

I used another awesome song in this chapter: _Falling_ by Tyler Ward 3

Thank you so much for your reviews! I really appreciate them (: Thanks!

And of course not to forget: All rights belong to Dan Schneider! This is only fanfiction, I don't own Victorious... Even though I'd love to :D:D

* * *

**CHAPTER FIVE**

_ALMOST DOESN'T COUNT_

BECK'S POV

I almost jumped when I heard my phone ringing. _What? NO! God damn it!_ As I opened my eyes all the striking distance between Tori and me was gone. She had taken a few steps back and looked quite confused.

"Sorry" I whispered. I was such an idiot. _Awesome, Beck Oliver, awesome as always... You just ruined the perfect chance to kiss the girl you love!_

"Hmm" was all she replied. Then she ran her hand through her hair and bit her lip. I gave her a last excusing look and then pulled out my cell phone. I almost froze when I realized who was calling. Jade. _Shit!_ I was about to kiss the girl I loved and of all people it was my current girlfriend who hindered me from doing so? Ugh, that was... awkward. But then again... Shouldn't I be lucky? I mean... What the hell was I thinking? I had a girlfriend, I couldn't kiss Tori. Yeah, I wanted to kiss her, but I wasn't allowed to do so. Besides, she was kinda drunk, right? She didn't know what she was doing. I couldn't take advantage of that, I couldn't be that selfish. After all she was still my best friend... And to put our friendship on the line for one single kiss she didn't even really want would be... insane.

"It's Jade" I finally said and looked up again. I could see sadness in Tori's eyes, even though she tried to force a smile. "I think I better pick up. I don't want another fight tomorrow."

"Um, sure, okay. I go and look for a place to sit." And with that she turned around and tumbled away. I got the sudden urge of holding her back, but I shook it off and quickly left the living room. Time for another fight, I guess... Awesome. God damn it, what a great evening.

TORI'S POV

As soon as I had turned around and started walking (if that was even the right word in my situation) away, I already regretted it. There was still this "thing" between Beck and me in my mind, that had happened a few seconds ago. I couldn't believe what just had happened. Or almost had happened... _Oh my... Tori, you almost kissed your best friend! Are you insane?_ Yes, I definitely was. But I couldn't help but getting this weird feeling in my tummy. Butterflies. No. Please not. God, what have I done? I was such an idiot! Okay, I think I need some alcohol!

I didn't know how I got up to this, but the next thing I knew was that I had three cocktails too many. Well, at least the reasonable part of me knew that... The desperate part of me didn't even want to think of stopping this weird crocked-phase I had right now. It made me forget everything. And that's exactly what I needed now. I didn't want to think of my stupid Beck-problem or everything else, I just wanted to have fun. And these cocktails actually made almost everything pretty funny.

With an absent-minded smile on my face I tried to make my way through the crowd to find a place to sit. I still hold the glass of my last cocktail in my hand. Gee. Was it already empty again? Oops. Hahaha. _Oh, Tori, Tori, Tori. You little addict._ I giggled and tumbled forward, even though I couldn't recognize where I was. Oh, wait. That looked like Cat's sofa! Uhh, Cat's empty sofa! Well, no, not empty. There was a boy I didn't know. But... whatever. There was still a place for me to sit! Yaaay! I almost fell over the table as I finally reached it. With a bright grin on my face I turned to the stranger next to me, shoved my empty glass in his face and asked with a begging voice:

"Heeeyy there! Would you mind bringing me a drink? – Any drink?" I fluttered my eyelashes what probably didn't even look half as sexy as I thought. I almost froze when I suddenly realized who was sitting there. Sinjin. _Oh no! _I quickly wanted to pull my glass back, but he was faster. With a bright smile on his face he took it and then looked at me full of enthusiasm.

"Tori!"

There was a voice inside my head telling me I should leave as fast as I could, unless I didn't want to start talking about the weird stuff that kept popping up in that boy's mind. But considering my state that was definitely easier said than done. As soon as I tried to stand up I could feel a heavy weight in my head and not a second later I keeled over onto the couch again. _Damn it! Stupid alcohol!_ I refused trying to do that again, so I just sat there and acted like Sinjin wasn't here. But that obviously didn't hinder him from talking to me anyways. I sat through his babbling for a while not willing to listen to what he was actually saying, which didn't seem to bother him at all. Then I finally turned to him and pressed my empty glass into his hand.  
"Shut your trap and bring me a drink! Now!" Wow. That actually worked. Sinjin immediately stopped talking and without saying a word he stood up and disappeared. _Yay, Tori. Rudeness works after all..._

Maybe I should learn a lesson from Jade. At least she always got what she wanted. She got Beck, right? And he's all you could ever want... Argh, someday I'm going to kill her for that, I mean it! I wasn't rude and aggressive usually, no, I actually was quite the opposite. But that girl caused some sort of sickness in me. And I just couldn't help that feeling of hate and... yeah, jealousy. And someday she'll pay for that. – Okay, no... I wouldn't try to kill her, but... I've already started filing out some crazy plans of revenge. And one of them will work. You'll see! Well, whatever. Back to reality again. And back to my crocked ego...

I just sat there for a while see-sawing impatiently. My head still felt heavy and things suddenly started to rotate. _God, damn it! No, please not! Uuugh..._ I hardly tried to ignore it, but that was easier said than done. I closed my eyes trying to convince myself that everything was okay, even though I knew that nothing was okay. _No, Tori, please don't vomit! Please not!_

"Here you go, Tori!" If I had been able to do that I probably would have jumped. Sinjin had appeared out of nowhere and offered me another cocktail. I gave him a confused look and then gazed at the glass in his hand. Should I? _No, Tori! Stop drinking! You don't want to chuckup, do you?_ The reasonable part of me screeched. But then again... Who cared? I needed to forget this whole Beck-Jade-Tori-shit! And if that was the only risk I'd take... I'd put up with that. I grabbed the glass and downed its content with one gulp. Things immediately started to rotate again. I hiccupped. As I finally turned around to face Sinjin I almost froze when I saw him sitting only a few inches away from me.

"Sooo, Tori, tell me: What am I getting for bringing you your drink?"  
"Hmmm?" was all I could say. Where was this leading to?  
"I think, you should do me a favor..." This meaningful grin on his face didn't please me at all. And this uncomfortable feeling proved to be true as he suddenly approached even more and pursed his lips.  
"Oh my god! No, no, no, no, no! No! No way!" I shrieked and didn't hesitate to jump up. That was a mistake. As soon as I stood on my feet again everything seemed to become blurred. I stumbled forward and before I could fall I hold on to the first avaiable thing I could grab. That this "thing" was supposed to be Beck's arms wasn't part of my plan...

"Tori! Ah, thank god, I thought you left! I was looking for y-" I cut him off with a hug. I could feel him hesitating but then he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. "Heeey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He whispered into my ear. I shook my head and backed off. He gave me a concerned look, then grabbed my hand and pulled me with him. I didn't know what he was doing, but I didn't even care. When we finally reached the kitchen I was a bit confused. But... whatever. It was much quieter here. He tried to make me sit down on a chair, but I shook my head and just leant against the table. I hiccupped again before I could explain anything.

"It's Sinjin... He... he has tried to kiss me! KISS me!"

"He did what?"

"I asked him to bring me another drink and... he wanted me to do him this little favor. And then I tried to escape from him and... bumped into you. Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!"

"Hey, it's okay, Tori! I'm here now." He replied and pulled me into another hug. I could feel things starting to rotate again as I looked up trying to face my knight in shining armor. All I could spot was his tousled black hair and the sparkling dark eyes. The dim feeling in my tummy got even worse. _Oh shit!_ I tumbled again and Beck had to grab my arm so that I wouldn't fall.

"Tori, how many cocktails did you have?" He suddenly asked.  
"Uhm, I don't know... Four? Five? Maybe more..." I giggled, but as he shot me a mad look I immediately stopped.

"MAYBE MORE? Gosh, why did you get drunk?"

"Dunnoooo, Beck. J-just happened" I lied.  
"God damn it, why didn't I keep an eye on you?" He backed off and for an awkward moment I thought he was going to leave me, but he just walked over to the fridge and took out a bottle of water.  
"Here" he said and offered me the bottle.  
"Th-thanks" I whispered and took a few sips. I forced a smile as Beck gave me another concerned look and then staggered forward. He laid his hands on my waist and pulled me closer.

"Okay, Tori. I think you need some air. Come." And without waiting for an answer he took my hand and pulled me with him. It took us like forever to get out of Cat's house. I almost bumped into every second person we passed and as if that wasn't enough my stagger wasn't helpful either. Beck was holding me in his arms while we were making our way through the crowd. I could see Cat giggling and André starring at us in a rather confused way and it even got worse when Cat leaned over and whispered something into his ear. Why was I so sure she was telling him about the little private girls talk we had earlier? Argh, I'm going to kill her! When we finally reached the door I heard Beck sighing. He softly pushed me outside and made me sit down on the stairway. Then he sat next to me and remained silent for a while. I felt his glance on me but I forced myself not to look at him, even though I wanted to get lost in his eyes so badly. After what seemed like hours he finally broke the silence.

"You feel better now?"

"A bit" I replied. This fresh night air actually helped. At least a bit. My head didn't feel that heavy and I didn't feel the need of throwing up anymore. But then again... maybe it was just because Beck was here with me. His very presence made me feel better. Gosh, he had such an effect on me.

"Good." He looked at me and suddenly pulled me a bit closer to put his arm around me. I laid my head on his shoulder trying to calm down a bit, even though his touching made me wanna jump. I got the sudden urge of kissing him. Oh my... _Stop thinking this!_

"Promise me you'll never do that again, Tor! I know I should have looked after you, but... Don't do that ever again!" He suddenly whispered.

"I'm... I'm sorry! And I promise... Gosh, you wanted to have fun tonight! And... I'm ruining your plans!"

"You aren't ruining anything, Tori! I wanted to spend time with you. And that's what I'm doing, right?"  
"You aren't mad at me?" I asked and looked at him.

"How could I? You're my best friend, did you forget that?"

"Sure... your best friend. How could I forget that?" I forced an awkward smile and then burried my face in his shoulder again. _That's all I'm ever going to be. His best friend._ I should have known it. How could I ever thought for one single second that there was something more between us? Like when we were about to kiss... Oh my god, the kiss... - almost-kiss... Damn it, didn't I want to forget about that? The voice inside my head suddenly started singing. I didn't even know why. That song just popped up in my mind, even though it didn't fit at all to our situation. It was more like a wish I had... or some sort of illusion.

_Will you catch me  
Because lately  
You're a dream come true  
Say you love me  
You are lovely  
Do you feel it too?_

„Say you love me..." I didn't even notice that I whispered this line out loudly. Not until Beck looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"What?" _Oh shit!_

"Nothing!" I replied way too fast. He grinned and tousled my hair.

"C'mon Tori, I know you've said something!"

"Umm... I was just pondering something?"

"What?"

"That I better should go home?" _Tori! Do you want to convince yourself or him? Come on!_ I sighed and added: "It's just... I... I still feel a bit dizzy... Very dizzy, actually. And... I'm kinda tired." That wasn't even a lie. I really was tired and didn't feel that well. Plus: At least I wouldn't have to hinder myself from kissing my best friend anymore...

"Oh" Beck murmered under his breath. I gave him a little smile.

"Why don't you just go looking for André or Robbie? Have fun, Beck! There's a party going on inside the house." I tried to laugh but it ended up in a really awkward giggle.

"Nop. I drive you home. You're still a bit drunk and... I just feel safer then."

"You don't have to do that, Beck!"

"I know. But I want to" He said nonchalantly. I couldn't help smiling. Awww, he was so cute. _Stop it, Tori. Don't fall even more for him... _Argh. Stupid Beck. Way too gorgeous. Nearly perfect.


	7. Just tonight

**Author's note:**

First of all I wanna thank you for all the alerts and reviews! Thanks so much! It means a lot to me, cause I never thought so many of you would read my story :D So thank you!

Here's the sixth chapter now. Gosh, it's really long this time... Poor Tori, she really needs some sleep. And Beck? Well, just read to find out what happens next. Hope you like it!

I do not own Victorious... Yeah, I'd love to, but all rights belong to awesome Dan Schneider!

* * *

**CHAPTER SIX**

_JUST TONIGHT_

ANDRÉ'S POV

My jaw dropped when I realized what Cat had just said. What? Oh shit, no. Tori was in love with him? Why didn't I know? God, wait, no... I probably should have known... I mean, it was pretty obvious, right? Now that Cat had told me... The way Tori was acting during the last four weeks was different. I indeed had realized that, but I thought it was just one of these phases girls sometimes have. Well... but that explained her weird behavior. But why hadn't Beck realized it? He was her best friend! He should be the first person to notice when something was wrong with her. Oh, but then again... Now, having to think about this... whenever he was around she was exactly the same girl we all know and love. But when he looked away... Oh my god. Poor Tori.  
"How long do you know?" I asked Cat.

"Today." She replied smiling.

"Are you sure she said she's in love with him?"  
"What's that supposed to mean?" She shrieked. I took a deep breath and gave her an excusing smile.

"Dunno, I just thought that... maybe you could have... gotten her wrong?"  
"No!" was all she replied. I could tell from her voice that she was offended again. A sigh slipped from my lips as I looked at her. That this girl always had to be this... complicated.

"Cat, I think you have to explain it to me."

"Explain what?" Arghh, someday she's going to drive me crazy!

"This whole Tori-Beck thing we were talking about?" I said rather annoyed now.

"Oh... Uhm, we had a girls talk before the party. Tori said she doesn't know what's going on with her lately, because she feels bad when she sees Beck and Jade together. And when I said she loves him she was about to freak out."

"Um, what? I thought she had told you she's in love with him. You said she told you!"  
"She didn't tell-tell me. But I'm sure she does love him. You should see the way she looks at him! Aaaand... they almost kissed earlier! Sooo..."

"WHAT?" God damn it, am I the only one who didn't notice anything?

"Yaah, it was so cute! They were dancing together! But then his phone rang and he left." She giggled and looked at me full of enthusiasm.

"What? Wait, Cat! You were **watching **them?" I was kinda shocked. God, I guess I use the word "what" way too often...

"Ahh, don't scream at me!" She shrieked and punched me softly in my arm.  
"Man, I can't believe it!" I groaned and Cat giggled again. I didn't really know how I should feel about this. I wanted Tori to be happy and I felt really sorry for her because this whole Jade-thing preyed on her mind. Plus: I didn't even know why my best friend was dating such a... whatever you wanna call her. I couldn't stand her, she actually scared me (This stays between us, please!). If you asked me, Beck and Tori would make the perfect couple. I always thought there was something more between them until Jade showed up... And that was exactly the problem: What the hell was Beck thinking? He wasn't allowed to kiss Tori, he had a girlfriend. And... What if... No, he wouldn't play with her, that was something he just wouldn't do. Besides, he didn't even know she was in love with him, right? But then why did he want to kiss her? And where were they going right now? No, he wouldn't get into her pants! Beck wasn't like this... Damn it, why was I even thinking about this? _Okay, dude, you shouldn't interfere, it's their business, right? _Yah, it was, and moreover I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to know about Tori's feelings before Cat had told me.

"Man, these are big news" I finally sighed and glanced at Cat who was still standing next to me and obviously couldn't stop giggling.

"Oh yaay, I love big news! What are we going to do with them?" She screeched excidetly clapping her hands together.

"Nothing, of course! Cat, were you even allowed to tell me about the talk you had with Tori?" The sudden guilt in her eyes affirmed my previous thought. Of course she wasn't. But there was nothing new about that she told their little secrets anyways. Accidently, of course.

"Oh" she suddenly whimpered "please don't tell her I told you! She said she would kill me and I don't want to be killed!"

"I won't tell her. But you have to promise you won't tell anybody else either! Not even Robbie! And especially not Beck! Or even worse Jade! This needs to stay between you and Tori... and inevitably me now..."

"I won't tell anybody" she agreed. I raised an eyebrow, but then I noticed the serious expression on her face and smiled.

"Good." Let's just hope she's going to keep her promise.

BECK'S POV

We left the party without telling anyone. I had put my arm around Tori's waist while we were walking to my car. It stood two streets away, so it took us some time to get there. Holding her so close was... nerve-wracking. In a good way, though. I could smell her fresh perfume and coconut shampoo as she wearily rested her head on my shoulder. It almost made me loose my mind. I really had to pull myself together to not forget everything around us and just kiss her. The helplessness and weakness she showed me somehow awakened my protective instinct. All I wanted was to hold her close and never let her go.

"Beck?" She suddenly whispered. I stopped walking and she backed off a few steps to face me. Our eyes met and I could feel my heart skip a beat. _For god's sakeness, Beck! Pull yourself together!_ I didn't know why, but this effect Tori had on me has gotten even "worse" since Jade and I started dating. A single glance or a slight touch from her was enough to totally throw me. That wasn't normal anymore. And it was even worse that I more and more got the urge that I needed to tell her what I really felt for her. I just couldn't hide it anymore. And now, that we've been so close to kissing, I didn't even want to hide anymore.

"Yeah?" I finally asked. An uncertain smile appeared on her lips.

"What did Jade want?"

"Uhm, what?"

"When she called earlier..." She blushed a bit as if she was thinking of what almost had happened before Jade had interrupted us. I sighed. Jade was the last... thing... I wanted to talk about right now.

"You sure you wanna know this?" I replied and forced a smile. She just nodded and smiled back.

"Umm, okay. Well... She was... pretty mad because of the fight we had earlier and... yeah. She actually didn't really stop screaming. But that's just Jade's way to handle a fight, I guess. Whatever... she wanted me to come home, but I said no. Sooo... she started yelling at me again like how I would be a bad boyfriend and how I wouldn't care how she felt. And... stuff like that. Nothing new..." I decided to take a short break and looked at Tori. Her smile was gone and now she just met me with disbelief. Then she murmered something under her breath I couldn't understand.

"Sorry?" I digged deeper. Her cheeks got red and I couldn't stop myself from smiling at this sight. She looked so cute when she was blushing.

"I.." she replied shyly and stared at her feet "I don't think you're a bad boyfriend. I mean... I don't know it... but I'm pretty sure."

"Thanks" I whispered. As she looked up our eyes met again. I gave her a warm smile. There was this feeling in my stomach again. The same feeling I had before we had almost kissed. And I could see exactly the same sparkle in her eyes. I didn't even notice how I took a few steps towards her. My eyes rested on her and she just glanced back. You could almost see sparks fly. She slowly approached, wearing a shy smile on her face. Without knowing why I laid my hand on her cheek. _Wait, what are you doing? Stop it, Beck! Don't kiss her! You can't do that! STOP IT! Now!_ That actually worked. Suddenly I forced myself to back off and cleared my throat. Nervously, I ran my hand trough my hair.

"Umm... We better go. It's getting cold... And... didn't you want to go home?" Wow. What an awkward excuse. She shot me a pretty confused look but nodded. I gave her a slight smile and put my arm around her again. As I touched her to pull her closer I could feel goosebumps on her skin. She rested her head on my shoulder again and I forced myself to act like nothing had happened. When we finally reached my car I opened the door for her and made her sit down. She murmered something that sounded like "thanks", then she immediately closed her eyes and sank down into the passenger seat. A slight smile crossed my lips when I carefully shut the door.

There was silence between us during our way home, but it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. I actually felt kinda relieved that Tori didn't talk, I was too lost in my thoughts anyways. And keeping them under control while driving my best friend home – my best friend that I actually loved – was stressful enough. Not that I was complaining... Having Tori here right next to me was awesome. Well, okay, her state was anything but awesome, but who cared? It didn't matter what she had done, she was still wonderful to me. Something kept telling me that I should tell her how I felt. I didn't know why. Maybe it was because she had raised my hopes today by almost kissing me. And by saying she was sure that I wasn't a bad boyfriend. _Damn it, she was drunk! No, she still is... kinda... And she can't stand Jade. She was just talking. And... She absolutely has no idea! If she only knew... - God damn it, I really am a bad boyfriend. I don't love Jade. It's Tori I really want.. And she doesn't even notice it._ I sighed. Why had it always have to be complicated? What had I let myself in for?

We finally arrived at her house and I parked my car on the sideline. With a slight smile on my face I turned to Tori. She had leant her head against the window, her eyes were still closed. I stared at her for several seconds totally adoring what I saw. Then, as if I had suddenly become aware of what I was doing, I shook my head and cleared my throat.

"Tori?" I whispered. No reaction. "Hey, Tori?" I said again and nudged her carefully. No reaction. Was she asleep? Ugh, obviously she was. Damn. What now? I didn't want to wake her up, she looked so peaceful and cute when she was sleeping. And I knew how tired she was. But how should I handle this now? I had no idea how to get her into her room without getting attention or making a noise. But fine... why not giving it at least a try?

I didn't know how I managed that, but I somehow succeeded in carrying her to the front door without waking her up. Wow, that girl really had to be exhausted... Poor Tori, I should have kept an eye on her... Well, whatever, it was too late for that and I had a very different problem now. _Where's this fucking key?_ Have you ever tried to find the latchkey while carrying a young lady and her bag in your arms? No? Well, don't try it, it won't work. Time for her to wake up, I guess...

"Sweetie" I whispered. She blinked and a smile appeared on my face. "You're home, Tori." She blinked again and finally opened her eyes. I could see confusion in them and as she noticed that I was still carrying her they widened even more. I immediately set her down carefully, not letting go of her arm.

"Oh... Already?" She replied still a bit confused. I nodded and she bit her lip. "Oh, okay. Where's my bag?" A grateful smile slipped from her lips when I gave it to her. It took her a while until she had found what she was looking for. With a satisfied expression on her face she showed me the key. "Got it!" She smiled.  
"Do you want me to bring you upstairs?" I didn't know why I asked this and as soon as I did so I already regretted it. Damn, please don't let her getting this wrong. I really didn't have any other intetion than putting her to bed. She still seemed kinda... helpless. And I wanted to be sure that she was alright. But then... I was even more surprised when she answered.

"Yeah... If you don't mind." She smiled shyly and then turned around to unlock the door. Not a minute later we entered the house and quickly went upstairs. I almost jumped when she turned on the light.

"Do you think it's wise to turn on the light when your parents and Trina are sleeping?" I asked doubtfully, but she just shook her head. I raised an eyebrow which made her smile a bit.

"They aren't here. My parents are at my aunt's silver wedding and Trina's camping with some friends."

"Trina? Camping? Are we still talking about your sister?" She laughed quietly and nodded.

"There's this one guy she likes... so she thought she should take a chance and..." She shrugged.

"Oh. Wow, I feel sorry for that guy."  
"Yah, me too." She smiled and then turned around to go to her room. I followed her with an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. Awesome, her family was gone for the night and I had asked her to bring her to her room. God, how stupid was I? What was she thinking about me now?

"Um... Yeah, we're here" I said asininely when we finally entered her room. She nodded. I wanted to pull her into a hug to say goodnight, but she quickly walked over to her bed. What? She didn't even want to say goodbye? Without saying anything she let herself fall onto the mattress. I slowly approached and watched her hiding under the covers. A smile appeared on my face. "You are pretty tired, huh?" She just nodded and closed her eyes. I sat down on her bed and watched her for a few minutes. She looked beautiful and for the x-th time tonight I had to pull myself together to not lean down and give her a kiss. She burried her face in her pillow and I carefully brushed her hair out of her forehead. A slight smile appeared on her face as my hand rested on her cheek.

"Thanks Beck. For everything." She whispered into her pillow. I didn't answer, I just smiled and tenderly stroked her cheek. I didn't even know how long I kept on doing this. It just felt right and I didn't want this moment to stop. And it even was worse that Tori didn't do anything against it. Okay, she had probably fallen asleep, so she wasn't able to do anything. But... no, I had to stop it. All I wanted was to bring her to her room, right? It wasn't right for me to stay here watching her sleep.

After a while I finally forced myself to leave her alone.

"Good night, beautiful" I said and gave her a little kiss on the forehead. I stroked her cheek for a last time, then I stood up and turned around to finally leave. My heart skipped a beat when she suddenly grabbed my hand.

"Stay." It was barely more than a whisper. "Please!"

"Wh-what?"  
"Don't leave me alone, Beck."

"But -"

"Please." She sounded weak. I slowly turned around and looked into her beautiful brown eyes. There was some sort of entreaty in her glance. A sigh slipped from my lips as I quickly broke eye-contact again. A voice inside my head kept telling me that I couldn't do that. I couldn't stay here, I needed to leave as soon as I could, otherwise I would loose my mind. I feared that I wouldn't be able to hold myself back any longer. And I didn't want to take advantage of Tori's state. She meant much more to me, I just couldn't do that. Even though I wanted to.

"Tori, I... I can't." I whispered trying to convince myself more than her. She shook her head and intertwined her fingers with mine.  
"Just stay with me. Please! I don't want to be alone."

"But..." I breathed another sigh and slowly sat down on her bed again. She gave me this begging look and I knew she really meant it. She wanted me to stay here with her. And all of a sudden I gave up my resistance. The way she looked at me made me change my mind. I knew it was wrong, but I just couldn't help it. "Okay... Okay." I finally said and a slight smile appeared on her face.

"Thanks!"

"Anything for you" I replied which made her smile even brighter. She pulled me a bit closer and gave me a little peck on the cheek. Sighing, I laid down next to her and not a second later she snuggled against me. Without knowing why I turned my face to hers. God, what was I doing? This wasn't good! Not at all. But it just felt so right... I sighed, pulled her a bit closer and covered both of us with her blanket.

Not a minute later she fell asleep – for real, this time – with her head resting on my chest. I carefully stroked her hair and then took her hand. The slight smile on my face didn't want to go away and the beating of my heart just didn't want to come down. I could feel butterflies in my stomach again. How could someone be so beautiful?

"I love you, Tori" I whispered. I knew she couldn't hear me, but I didn't care. I just felt like I needed to say it.


	8. Listen to your heart

**Author's note:**

Aww thank you guys so much for all the reviews and alerts (:

I'm doing my best to update almost everyday, but this time it didn't work. Sorry! But here's the seventh chapter now. It's a bit longer again cause there's so much action in it :D Uhm, I don't know why, but I'm not that happy with this chapter. But whatever... Let me just say: the tension between Tori and Beck won't relieve... Hope you like it 3

All rights belong to Dan Schneider 3 I still don't own Victorious! It's a pity, though :D

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

_LISTEN TO YOUR HEART_

TORI'S POV

The sun was already shining brightly when I woke up the next morning. Or midday? Or afternoon? Ugh, I had no idea. The only thing I knew was that I still felt dizzy. God damn it, what had I done? Using alcohol to get over my problem with Beck... A problem of whom he didn't even know it existed. _Argh, Tori, you're so stupid! _Oh yeah, I was. How could I let myself do such a stupid thing? I've never done something like that before... And I actually haven't wanted to change it. It was all because of Beck. Stupid, gorgeous, handsome, amazing Beck. Damn it! Speaking of Beck... _Oh shit!_ A sudden pain in my stomach made me jump up. It was this kind of pain you normally felt when you just got punched... No, please tell me I didn't beg him to stay here with me. Please tell me it was all just a dream! Argh, why had it always have to be me?

I slowly sat up and turned around. My eyes widened as I saw Beck sleeping right next to me. _No! _It wasn't a dream, it was all real. I had forced him to stay here with me... Because I didn't want him to leave... Because I had needed him.

"Damn it" I groaned, still having my eyes on the young man in front of me. I knew it was wrong, I shouldn't have done it. But I couldn't help feeling this kind of happiness and relief now. A slight smile appeared on my face and then my heart skipped a beat and the butterflies in my tummy went wild. Suddenly I could feel his warm hand on my cheek again. How he had stroked it, how he had pulled me closer to him, how I had listened to his heart beating as I had rested my head on his chest. And the affectionateness he had while watching over me... He hadn't been mad, he'd been sweet and gentle. He had cared for me. All these memories of yesterday night were overtaking me now. It had felt right, it was exactly what I wanted. He was exactly what I wanted. _Oh shit, Tori! You're in love with your best friend._ I took a deep breath and slowly laid down next to Beck again. Without knowing why I ran my hand through his dark hair and then burried my face in his chest.

"I guess I really am" I murmered into his shirt. It had just taken me a while to notice that... But now it was too late anyways. He had Jade. And I had... nobody. He didn't want me like I wanted him. Even though there was this strange feeling inside my head that kept telling me he wanted us to happen aswell... But... no, that couldn't be. I should forget about my feelings for him, I knew it. And I knew that they were wrong. But I just couldn't help them. I slowly breathed out and turned around to face him. A slight smile crossed my lips. He looked so cute when he was asleep. I didn't know why, but I got the sudden urge of kissing him. But this time I didn't want to fight against it. And even worse: I couldn't.

"Gosh, why do you do this to me, Beck?" I groaned and then lifted my head. His eyes were still closed as I slowly approached his face. I reached out for his cheek and then softly put my hand on it. How could someone be so perfect? Another smile appeared on my face. God, this boy totally threw me. With all he did... And he didn't even notice it.

"Tori?" I almost jumped when I heard his sleepy voice calling my name. I caught his eye and he looked at me with a slight smile on his face. Oh no! No, he was... he was awake? Damn it! I immediately pulled my hand back and backed off a bit.

"Sorry" I whispered, trying to avoid eye-contact.

"Sorry for what? For watching me sleep? For... resting your hand on my cheek?"

"Uhm... Yah. I... I don't want to seem creepy..."

"You aren't creepy, Tori." He replied. I slowly looked up and our eyes met. He smiled slightly. Then he sighed and sat up. "How do you feel?"

"Um... okay, I guess" I replied and blushed a bit. God, I had demanded such a great deal of him. I had ruined his whole evening just because of my stupidity. This polite smile he was giving me made me wanna cry. _Shit, shit, shit! _I forced myself to look at him and took a deep breath before I started to apologize. "I'm sorry, Beck. For... everything. For begging you to stay the night, for asking so much of you... for... letting all this happen... and... for... for almost kissing you at the party..." _No, not at all... I would try to do it again anytimes... – Wait! Stop thinking this, Tori! God damn it! Don't ruin everything again!_ I forced an awkward smile and then looked down on my bedding. "I didn't know what I was thinking back then... I... I'm so sorry!" I whispered. My heart skipped a beat when I suddenly felt his one arm wrapping around me. Laying his hand on my chin he forced me to look into his dark brown eyes.  
"There's no need to be sorry, Tor! I didn't mind at all! I... I actually loved this evening anyways... or maybe even therefore... It was awesome to be with you after such a long time. Only you and I. I've missed that. I... I've missed you."

"You've missed me?" I whispered. He nodded and I couldn't help but smile. I slowly rested my head on his shoulder and pulled him into a hug. I could feel his fingers running through my hair.

"Tori" he said quietly, "I want you to know that you mean a lot to me! You're the most important person in my life... I don't want to loose you and I'm really sorry that Jade was making... or still is making you feel... undesired. And I'm sorry that I didn't do anything against that. I... shouldn't have let her coming between us. I promised you she won't. But... she did and... I'm sorry for that!" He backed off and looked me in the eye. I swallowed and bit my lip.

"Look, Beck... I'm not mad or anything. I want you to be happy and... I... I promised you to make it up to Jade but I didn't. So... It's... it's all a bit complicated, but... I'm okay with that..." I said and then added with a much more quieter voice so he couldn't hear anything: "At least I try to be." After that, there was a long silence between us. We were just looking at each other and I could feel myself blushing again. I knew I was lying to him. I wasn't okay with that. Not at all. But I didn't want to loose him. He meant too much to me that I could tell him how I really felt... "I'm sorry for making you feel this way! You don't have to feel guilty or anything" I finally whispered.

"Nah, it's okay..." Then there was silence again. I caught his eye and he gave me an uncertain smile.

"This situation is somehow turning into one of these cheesy you're-sorry-I'm-sorry-moments, don't you think?" I sighed after a while. A grin appeared on his face.

"Yah, kinda." He admitted with a smile while running his hand through his hair. God, how I loved that!

"Thanks for always being there for me, Beck" I suddenly said. Without knowing why I leant over and gave him a peck on his cheek. He looked at me a bit surprised, but then smiled again. I grabbed his hand and intertwined our fingers. Some sort of relief rushed through my veins as I noticed he went with it. We just sat there for a few minutes holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes. It seemed nearly perfect to me. If it wasn't for Jade... Ugh, Jade. I slowly backed off a bit and cleared my throat.

"Uhm... I think I need to take a shower..." I said hoarsely.  
"Oh... yeah, sure. And I... I better go home now, I guess. You're at Nozu's this evening?"  
"Nozu's?" I asked quite confused.

"Yah, the others have planned to go there. They invited us, so... Do you wanna go?"

"Oh... Uhm, what about Jade? Will she come? Ugh, don't get me wrong! It's just... I think it's kinda pleasing that I don't have to hear her rude remarks for one day."

"It's okay, Tori, I don't blame you for that. But to answer your question: I don't think so... She's still mad at me... And... I don't think she wants to hang out with "you freaks", you know?" He shrugged and winked at me. I felt myself blushing a bit. "But I'm going to check things with her... Do you want me to pick you up later? If you wanna go, I mean..." That made me blush even more.

"Yeah, sure. If it's okay for you. That'd be nice..." I replied shyly.

"Okay, great! I'll give you a call then..."

"Good."

BECK'S POV

I left Tori's house with a big question mark inside my head. Was it just me or was there a sudden tension between us? Not this tension you felt when there was a fight going on (this typical Jade-tension, if you know what I mean). It was some sort of tension that wasn't comparable to our normal friendship. It was more than just friendship... I've always had it towards her, but it somehow seemed that she suddenly felt the same way... _Beck, stop thinking this. You obviously didn't get enough sleep. Tori doesn't like you the way you like her. She was just...clinging. Yah, clinging because of yesterday night! That's all._

With a sigh I sat down on the driver's seat and pulled out my cell phone. I hadn't checked it since Jade had called me yesterday. As I unlocked the display my breathing almost stopped: 8 new messages, 5 missed calls. What the hell?

**To Beck Oliver**

**From Cat Valentine**

_Beeeck! André and I are looking for you and Tori! We can't find you! Have you tried to kiss her again? (:_

Shit! How did she know? Damn it, I knew things would go wrong one day... God, please don't let her tell anyone... I slowly scrolled down and opened the next message. It was from André.

**To Beck Oliver**

**From André Harris**

_Dude, where are you? Have you left? And where's Tori? We can't find you anywhere!_

I sighed. It probably hadn't been a good idea leaving Cat's house without telling anyone. I should have told at least my best friend what had happened. But then again… Nobody needed to know what was going on, right? I actually was glad that Tori and I had some time for us. Not to be rude, but having Cat and André around us would have been pretty annoying. I loved them, but I had wanted to spend my time with Tori. Only with Tori. And I was pretty sure that André would have hindered me from staying with her this night. He would have told me how I couldn't do that because of Jade and how she would kill Tori if she found out. He was right, though… Damn it!

Speaking of Jade… The other messages were all from her. Of course they were… Who else would send me six messages within twenty minutes?

**To Beck Oliver**

**From Jade West – my AWESOME GIRLFRIEND**

_What are you doing? Call me!_

**To Beck Oliver**

**From Jade West – my AWESOME GIRLFRIEND**

_Beck Oliver! What about "Call me!" don't you get?_

**To Beck Oliver**

**From Jade West – my AWESOME GIRLFRIEND**

_Fine! You don't wanna call? Then pick up, I call you now!_

**To Beck Oliver**

**From Jade West – my AWESOME GIRLFRIEND**

_PICK UP!_

**To Beck Oliver**

**From Jade West – my AWESOME GIRLFRIEND**

_You're the worst boyfriend ever! Don't ever talk to me again!_

**To Beck Oliver**

**From Jade West – my AWESOME GIRLFRIEND**

_I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING FUN WITHOUT ME! _

Another sigh slipped my lips. Why was I even dating her? That question kept popping up in my mind very often during the last few days. And considering the fact that it was all because I wanted to forget Tori... wasn't it actually useless? I couldn't forget her, and I actually didn't even want to. And besides I still felt bad because I was just using Jade. I thought I liked her, I thought she was different than that creepy, selfish Jade everbody said she was. Somehow she was, somehow she wasn't. But that wouldn't change anything about the fact that I knew that Jade West wasn't right for me. And I wasn't right for her. She deserved another boyfriend, one who wouldn't use her like I did. She needed someone who actually cared about her... cause she was special – even though I wasn't quite sure if that was a good or a bad thing as for her.

I just got out of my shower when I heard the doorbell ringing. God damn it, couldn't I be alone for a while? I opened the door being pretty sure that it was a furious Jade who would enter my RV, so I was even more surprised when I saw André looking at me in a rather serious way. Without waiting for any amenities he passed me and took a seat on my bed. I gave him a confused look, but then sat down next to him quite curious about what he wanted.

"Did you get my message?" He asked straightforwardly.

"Uhm, yeah, but a bit too late, I guess. I read it about an hour ago, sorry!" He obviously wasn't here for hearing an excuse. He just glanced at me with this goring look and raised an eyebrow. Shit. This obviously was going to be some sort of questioning...

"Dude, where have you been?" He asked further. "Cat and I were looking for you and Tori for nearly an hour! That poot Little Red almost went insane because she thought you were kidnapped by her strange neighbours... WHERE – DID – YOU – GO?" Damn it, my best friend sounded exactly like my girlfriend... I knew that there was no need lying to him. He knew that something was different. And when André Harris wanted to find out what was going, you already lost...

"I was with Tori... I drove her home because she was tired and... I stayed the night at her house." As I noticed the shocked expression on André's face, I immediately added: "No, wait before you freak out! Nothing happened, ok? I only took care of her, nothing else. She's my best friend, right? I didn't want to leave her alone, especially not in her state..."

"It's your business, Beck... But I'm glad you kept an eye on her, she actually was pretty drained yesterday." He remained silent for while giving me one of his inscrutable looks. I felt more and more uncertain. Why did I have this uncomfortable feeling that he knew everything? After a while – I had just stared at him without saying anything – he broke the silence. "Dude, is there something you wanna tell me?" I swallowed. Yeah, he actually did know everything.

"Uhm, what?" I asked trying to play dumb.

"You and Tori almost kissed yesterday night. Cat told me, she saw you. And... you stayed with her for the whole night."  
"I don't know what you're talking about! And I already told you that I only stayed with her because she didn't feel well!" That was a pretty awkward excuse.

"Dude, don't try to kid me! I saw you yesterday. The way you looked at her, how you couldn't take your eyes off her the WHOLE night! You're best friends, sure, but I don't think she's only the best friend to you..."

"Of course she is! We're best friends since Freshmen Year! And... I have a girlfriend, remember? And she's pretty amazing, actually!"

"She is? Well, that's new to me. I thought you were pretty annoyed by her jealousy..."  
"I know she's jeaolous, but I can handle that! I like her and I won't break up with her just because... just because of Tori."

"So you do have feelings for her." A meaningful smile appeared on his face.

"That's not what I've said!" Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! _God damn it, Beck! Are you kidding me? You wanted to convince him of the opposite, right?_

"So you don't like her?" He asked still wearing this meaningful smile on his face.

"No! Of course I do! She's my best friend... and... – Argh, André! What do you want?"

"I only want to know if you're in love with her or not. Look at me and tell me you don't love her!"

"I..." As my voice broke André raised his eyebrow again. God damn it. How could I be so weak? A sigh slipped my lips when I finally faced him. "Argh, fine. Fine! I love her, okay? You're feeling good now? You asked me and I told you the truth. I love Tori! I always did. Why do you think I'm dating Jade? I know I'm nothing more than the best friend to her... And it fucking sucks!"

"We'll see about that..." He sighed. Now it was my turn to raise an eyebrow.  
"What?" I asked confused.


	9. Little talks

**Author's note:**

Oh my god, thank you again for all the reviews and alerts! It's so encouraging to see that you like my story! Thanks so much (:

Here's chapter eight now (: Poor André tries to save the day and Beck gets even more confused but finally makes his decision. And Tori? She needs another girls talk with Cat :D

I obviously don't own Victorious cause if I did, Beck and Tori would be together by now... All rights belong to Dan Schneider (:

Ps. There's going to be a suprise in the next two chapters :P

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**CHAPTER EIGHT**

_LITTLE TALKS_

ANDRÉ'S POV

_Shit!_ Why couldn't I keep my trap shut? _Excuse, excuse, I need an excuse!_ Damn it, so much for not interfering their business... _Okay, just act like nothing had happened. You didn't say anything!_ Wow, that was probably the worst excuse I ever made...

"Beck, you need to break up with Jade! You can't use her... that's not you! And I'm pretty sure she'll break your face if she finds out. And she will find out!" He gave me a confused look obviously thinking that I was trying to avoid his question, but then he just nodded and burried his face in his hands.

"I know... I know. But..."  
"No ifs and buts!" I said in a rage. Argh, he almost drove me insane. How could someone be so... so ignorant? And why had always have to be me who ended up in such a conflicting situation? Remember how I said I didn't want to interfere their friendship/relationship and everything? Well, forget about that! These two obviously needed a medium. And if that was supposed to be me of all people... Fine. I didn't have to spill Tori's little secret, I could only try to push him in the right direction, right? Nobody would know that I knew what was really going on. Wow, what a plan! Let's just hope everything goes well... "Have you ever thought that Tori might feel the same way? And instead of telling her what you really feel you're doing this crazy shit..." I finally said trying to sound as if it was just another normal question everybody else would ask in this situation. _Damn it, André. Be careful!_

"Yah... yah, it is... I know, it's bullshit. But... whatever. I'm not even sure if I want her to know..."

"There's no option, I think. You don't want to loose her, do you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you blind? Ever since you and Jade started dating she's at sixes and sevens. She tries to act like all is well but you could tell from her eyes that absolutely nothing is okay! She has feelings for you, Beck! I'm sure she does! And you're too blind to realize that!" With an encouraging smile I laid my hand on his shoulder. "You need to tell her before it's too late!" A sigh slipped my lips as I noticed the confused expression on Beck's face. Playing Cupid was even more stressful than I thought it would be. Honestly, was I the only one in the world who had just found out what was going on between them? Were they really this blind? Well, this was going to be interesting...

"If she really felt the same way, how come she didn't make any move?" Beck finally replied making me shoot him a _"Seriously?"_ look. This boy really needed a broad hint...

"Dude, I can't believe it! How do you expect her to realize you're in love with her if you're dating another girl? Who could possibly figure that out? It's completely mental!"

"Thanks." He murmured sarcastically.  
"You're welcome!" I replied with a laugh, but then immediately gave him another serious look. "Look, Beck. I know, it's your business and I shouldn't interfere it... I actually don't even want to. But... if you want an advice: Be honest to Tori. To her, to Jade and especially to yourself! I can't promise that everything will end up the way you want it, but this hide and seek of yours is useless. Go and check things with Jade and then talk to Tori. Show her how you feel! You'll never know if she feels the same for you if you don't tell her." I winked. Without waiting for a response I stood up, nudged his shoulder and then turned around to slowly walk over to the door of his RV.  
"I know, I know. I know you're right... But..." Beck finally said as I reached the door. "I would never forgive myself if I ruined our friendship. I don't know what to do. I guess I need some time to think it all through."

"Don't think too long..."

BECK'S POV

When André left I was even more confused than before. I knew he was right and I somehow felt relieved that I had finally told someone. And André had actually been helpful, even though I still didn't really know what to do. Breaking up with Jade was kind of obvious, right? And I had to do that sooner or later... But first I needed to think about how I could break it to her gently. And then there was Tori... The most amazing girl I ever met. What if André was right? What if she really felt the same for me? I couldn't blame her for not admitting it... She thought I was in love with Jade. "_How do you expect her to realize you're in love with her if you're dating another girl? Who could possibly figure that out? It's completely mental!"_ André's words popped up in my mind again. Haha, that was actually true. God damn it, why did I have this stupid habit of making it all much more complicated than it had to be? Maybe I should talk to her... Just like André advised me to do. She deserved to know what was going on with me and I was tired of holding back my feelings. What had happened between us last night made it even more difficult for me. But then again... there was still this fear I would ruin our friendship. I didn't want to loose her. I couldn't loose her!

"God damn it, I've made a mess of things!" I sighed and burried my face in my hands again. If only I knew what Tori really felt...

TORI'S POV

As soon as Beck had left I felt some sort of relief rushing through my body. Relief that I wouldn't be exposed to this inappropriate urge of kissing him, this urge of telling him that I didn't want to be just friends, this urge of pulling him close and never letting him go anymore. God damn it, I never thought I'd have to fight against this. And I actually didn't even want this to happen. But I just couldn't help it. The way he looked at me, his laugh, his cute smile, his eyes – oh my god, especially his eyes – made me weak. Since last night it was more or less official: I was in love with Beck Oliver. And that was bad! Really bad! Well, at least it wasn't good. It probably wouldn't be this bad if it wasn't for Jade and this whole shit of how I just wasn't able to hide my feelings. _He must think I'm completely insane..._

After taking a shower I decided to make breakfast. Or lunch... Whatever... I was about to take out a bottle of milk when my phone rang which made me almost jump.  
"Jeez!" I groaned as I quickly pulled out my pear phone. Cat's face appeared on its display. A sigh slipped my lips. _Ugh, please not now..._ I wasn't in the mood for her or at least not for her happiness. _C'mon Tor, don't be rude, she's your friend!_

"Hi Kitty-Cat!" I finally said as I picked up. _Friendlier!_ My inner voice yelled at me.

"How do you know it's me?" A shocked voice screamed back.

"Because your number is stored in my phone?" I replied trying to sound happy and nice. No, I definitely wasn't in the mood for her.

"Oh... Okay... How you're doing?"

"I'm... fine. Yeah... Uhm, Cat, I'm a bit busy, would you mind cal-"

"Did you and Beck try to kiss again yesterday?" She cut me off in her generic enthusiastic and high voice.

"WHAT?" I shrieked and almost dropped the bottle of milk I still held in my hand. _Damn it! _Here we go again... I could feel some sort of panic rushing through my body. How did she know about that? Gosh, she didn't observe us, did she?

"You guys were so cute! You couldn't keep your hands off each other! I knew this would happen, hah! Oh, and where did you go? André and I were looking for you! Did you stay with Beck? Did you finally tell him the truth? Tell me! I want to know everything!" She giggled excidetly. Okay, she obviously did observe us. Argh! That just wasn't true! This girly really drove me crazy...

"Cat! How do you know about all that? Did you track us?"

"Yeeees, you were sooo cute! And I wanted to know how things are going between you and Beck. Please don't be mad at me! Nobody noticed except me! And now tell me! Did you guys kiss?"

"No."

"Oh. No? – Oh yay, that rhymed. No – oh. Hahahahaha!" She giggled again. I decided to ignore her last fit of giggles and just went on with an explanation.

"No, we didn't... I wanted it so badly and there were several times we were so close, but... somehow every moment was... ruined." I said ineloquently.  
"Oh, I'm so sorry! I thought you two would finally be together!" Cat replied sadly.

"That's sweet of you, Cat. But... honestly I don't think that this is ever going to happen. He thinks I'm his best friend, nothing more, nothing less." I said trying to stay calm. I couldn't hide my sadness any longer. Thinking about how many chances we had last night I could feel pain in my chest again. If there really was a chance for us he would have shown me yesterday... He would have tried to kiss me if he had really wanted it. But he hadn't.

"Tori! Don't say this!"  
"But it's the truth!" I groaned.

"What makes you so sure?"

"Everything? He stayed with me yesterday night and..." I could hear Cat screaming excidetly again as I spilled the truth. "and he didn't do anything. He could have tried to kiss me and I wouldn't have complained. He could have done everything he wanted, he could have taken advantage of my state if he had wanted to... But he didn't! The only thing he did was stroking my cheek and making sure I'm safe."

"But that's so sweet of him!" She shrieked. "Beck wouldn't do anything that would hurt you! He would never take advantage of your state! He has cared for you, isn't that proof enough?"

"Proof for what?" I asked confused. I knew she was right. Beck wouldn't do anything I didn't want him to do and he wouldn't use me just because I was drunk... But... he could have at least tried to kiss me again, right? We've been so close the whole night. Why hadn't he made any move?

"He's in love with you!" Cat screeched making me almost drop my phone.  
"W-what?" I asked. Now I was even more confused.

"You've been so close from kissing and you really would have done it if you weren't interrupted. He couldn't take his eyes off you the whole evening and everytime you were around he was smiling like non-stop! Aaaand he stayed with you to make sure you're okay!"

"He only stayed because I begged him" I admitted feeling a bit ashamed.  
"He could still have said 'no'! But he didn't! He wanted to stay near to you! And he didn't want to rush things, I bet! He doesn't want to loose you, he thinks you don't love him back."  
"Caaat, why are you so sure about this?" I sighed.

"Because it's obvious! And you don't want to face it. You're scared!" Ouch. She touched a sore spot. Yeah, I was scared. This whole thing between me and Beck wasn't good. We were just friends, we've always been just friends. I knew he meant so much more to me than only the best friend, but I didn't want to show this to him. What if he didn't feel the same way? And he still had Jade. And as long as Jade was his girlfriend I couldn't admit my feelings...

"I... I'm not... sca-scared!" I tried to deny the truth.

"Are too! You need to tell him! Please, Tori! You don't want to loose him, right?" Cat said with a much more serious voice.

"Why would I loose him?"

"Because if you don't tell him he'll never know. He'll stay with Jade and sooner or later you can't handle this any longer! And then it's too late..." Damn it, that even Cat needed to have these stupid lucid intervals! I took a deep breath and swallowed. I knew she was right. And I knew I needed to tell him sooner or later. But I would have been glad if I could have avoided this moment...  
"Cat, this is all easier said then done" I finally replied. "He's still with Jade and I can't show him how I feel as long as he has a girlfriend! That's... that's just not right! And I'm pretty sure I wouldn't find words to tell him the truth when he stands in front of me anyways..."

"Well... how about you don't tell him directly?" Cat giggled meaningfully.

"What?" I asked confused. What was she up to?

"Come over to my house, we have a plan to concoct..."

BECK'S POV

I was on my way to Jade. I had made my decision, I wanted to break up with her. I still had no idea how I was going to do this, but nothing would hinder me now! And afterwards I wanted to check things with Tori – another thing of whom I had no idea how I wanted to do that... But... It had to be done. She needed to know the truth and I couldn't handle this any longer. And besides... Jade didn't deserve this. She wasn't the dream of a girlfriend, but nobody deserved it to get betrayed, right?

My hands got a bit sweaty and there was a weird feeling in my stomach when I knocked on the front door of Jade's house. God damn it, why did I have to be this nervous? Breaking up with someone you didn't really love couldn't be this hard, right? There was no need to worry, everything was going to be fine. _Okay, come on Beck, get a grip! Tell her that you don't feel comfortable with this relationship anymore! Tell her you don't like the way she treats your friends and that you think it's better to give it a break. And for god's sakeness don't talk about Tori! Jade better doesn't know that you're in love with her. She would kill her... Right after killing you, of course... And don't run away like a little child! You can do this! That shouldn't be a problem for you, right? _

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even notice how someone opened the door.

"Hi babe" She said with a smirk on her lips. "So you're reasonable now? Come in." _Great! She probably thinks you want to apologize for yesterday night and you're going to break her heart instead! _I slowly followed her to her room and took a seat on her bed. Jade didn't hesitate to do so either and immediately tried to pull me closer obviously thinking she could start one of our little make-out sessions again. With an awkward expression on my face I cleared my throat and backed off a bit. She gave me a confused look.

"Can we just sit down for a while and talk?" I asked. I didn't want to beat around the bush. I needed to end this quick and easy. It would be better... for her and for me.

"Uhm, sure" She replied still a bit confused. What was that? Was she uncertain?

"Look, I... I know you're mad at me because of our fight yesterday... But..." Before I could say anything else she cut me off.

"I'm sorry, babe! I overreacted and I didn't mean to call you a bad boyfriend or stuff like that. I'm really sorry!" My eyes widened as I caught her eye. God damn it, Jade West was apologizing? And... that wasn't even the worst thing. I could tell from the guilt in her voice and this painful way she looked at me that she really meant it. She was sorry! _Shit! Why now? Why can't she just freak out again?_ I couldn't remember when I had ever wanted her to yell at me so badly but now. That would make things much easier... But no, instead of starting another fight she decided to apologize. Damn it!

"Jade" I began not even sure of what I wanted to say "that's not... that's not what keeps bothering me. It's... Look, you... you make a claim on me almost every free minute and you treat my friends like shit. You insult Tori, you scare Cat and one time you made Robbie cry! I... I just can't handle this any longer!" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath waiting for her to explode. She didn't. Why the hell didn't she explode? That was the first thing she did usually! I opened my eyes again and sighed. There was silence between us for a while and I wasn't even sure if she had understand what I had just said. But then she suddenly spoke up again.

"I'm sorry" she whispered "I... I'm a bad girlfriend, huh?" There was sadness in her eyes and I felt guilt rushing through my veins more and more. _Beck, don't lose sight of your aim! You came here to break up with her, remember?_ Without breaking eye-contact I forced an awkward smile before I replied.

"No, it's just... I don't think we're good for each other. We had problems from the beginning and..." My voice broke as I saw her tearing up. _God, no! Please don't start crying! Don't start crying!_ What was wrong with her? That's wasn't the tough Jade I knew. Jade West never cried! And god damn it, it was my fault. I was making her cry...

"You mean... you wanna break up with me?" She whispered.

"I... Yeah... I mean... ugh, don't you think it would be better for us? This relationship drags us down..."

"Beck, please! I know I've made mistakes... But please don't throw it all away now! I'm sorry for everything... And I want to show you that I mean it. I will get along with your friends, if you want to! But please give me a chance! We can work this out!" Another sigh slipped my lips and I quickly stared down at my feet. I couldn't look into her blue eyes anymore. She was begging me to fight for our relationship. Was this really the same Jade West who had yelled at me yesterday? "Please, Beck! Please!" _Shit! No, Beck, don't give in! You need to go trough with this! You don't love her, you can't pretend anymore!_ Biting my lip I faced her again. That was a mistake. Now she was really crying. _Jeez!_

"Jade, please don't cry! It's okay. It's okay!" Without knowing why I pulled her a bit closer and stroked her head. She burried her face in my shoulder and cried for while making me feel even more guilty. "You really think we should give us another try?" I didn't even know why I asked this and right after the words had slipped my mouth I wanted to slap myself. This whole thing didn't turn out the way I planned it. Not at all...

Jade finally backed off a bit and looked at me with this begging expression on her face.  
"Yes" she sobbed and nodded. _God damn it, Beck! You're such an idiot!_ I sighed again before I finally said the words I knew I would regret.  
"Okay..." _Argh, Jade, why do you have to make me feel guilty? You're making it even worse._ She slowly approached and gave me a soft kiss. It didn't feel right and I already knew I made a mistake (nothing new, I was making a lot mistakes lately...), but I just couldn't do that to her. Not now. Not after seeing this sadness and despair in her eyes. I knew I had to... But right now I just couldn't do it.

"So, you love me again?" She whispered and a slight smile appeared on her face. Instead of answering I just forced a weak smile. Plan _Break up with Jade _had totally failed.


	10. Give me a reason to smile

**Author's note:**

Thanks again for all the reviews! (: Here's chapter nine now. We'll see if Cat's plan will work out...

The song I used in this chapter is from Tori Goes Platinum. It's called _Cheer Me Up_ and is by Victoria Justice (or Natasha Bedingfield, but this version is Victoria's). Love this song and it's perfect for Cat's little plan :P

All rights belong to Dan Schneider, I still don't own Victorious :D

* * *

**CHAPTER NINE**

_GIVE ME A REASON TO SMILE_

TORI'S POV

**To Gorgeous Beck 3**

**From Tori Vega**

_I'm at Cat's, I won't make it home in time. You don't have to pick me up, she promised her brother could drive us. Sorry! See you later :*_

**To Tori Vega**

**From Gorgeous Beck 3**

_Okay. Would have loved to! See you soon, sweetie :*_

I smiled slightly at the text message I just got from Beck. He called me sweetie. And he said he really wanted to pick me up. Uh-huu, he was such a gentleman. And this made me fall even more in love with him. Jeez, that wasn't normal anymore. We've been best friends for almost two years now and suddenly I felt so much more for him than friendship. Why didn't I notice it before? How couldn't I? Feelings ususally didn't change within one single day, did they? And especially not when you don't even want it! No, I didn't want to love him... It was wrong and I was totally aware of it. And I would do anything to make this feeling go away. But I was... a dead loss, yeah. The more I tried to deny my feelings the more I fell in love with Beck. That was awkward, but I couldn't help it. Wasn't it always like this? You always want these things you aren't allowed to want, right? And I wanted Beck. Oh yes, I wanted him! How couldn't I? He was nearly perfect... He was the most amazing boy I knew. And... He was all I ever wanted. It just had taken me some time to realize that...

"Tori, Tooooriiiii!" Cat shrieked. "Hey hey!" Without any warning she slapped me right in my face, which immediately got me back to reality again.

"Ouch! Cat! Are you crazy? What was that for?" I groaned rubbing my cheek.

"You looked like a mental ill person!" She screeched and giggled. "You had this dreamy expression on your face and you didn't stop grinning. You scared me, I thought you had some sort of attack." Oh my godness, did I really look like this while thinking about Beck? Ughh, I really should stop thinking about this boy. But wait... Oh, Cat! She had always liked to over-interprete things... But that was still no reason for slapping me, right? But that was just... Cat, I guess.

"Sorry..." I murmered a bit embaressed. "I was... distracted."

"Oh, why?"

"Not important... back to my problem."

"Kay, kay."

"So, what's your plan? Tell me everything!" I asked curious.

"What plan?"

"Cat!" Argh, someday I'm going to kill her, I mean it! I definitely wasn't in the mood for one of her foolishness-phases now. _Okay, come down, Tori! You're here because she wants to help you. And she will help you! Well... if she remembers... _

"Ahhh, don't scream at me!" She shrieked again and I took a deep breath. Sometimes she was just a handful...

"Cat, the plan you were talking about when you called earlier? Your... Beck-Tori plan, if you want so. You wanted to help me telling him how I feel, remember?" I said calmly trying to sound mellifluous and careless.

"Ohh, that plan! Yaay, time to start with plan Bori!"

"Bori?" I asked confused and raised an eyebrow.

"Yeeeah! Beck and Tori. Bori! Easy as that." Cat looked at me as if that was obvious and clapped her hands joyfully together.  
"Wow. That's... creative." Bori. I've always wanted to have one of those cute pairing nicknames. But Bori? Seriously? It actually sounded to me like some sort of disease... Or fruit. Or something like that. But... whatever.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cat shrieked offended.

"Nothing!" I replied quickly. "I mean it, it really is creative! "

"Oh, yay. Thanks!" She giggled happily.

"Cat, your plan, please?" I gave her a weak smile.

"Oh, yay, kay, kay! Sing him a song." She said and smiled brightly probably thinking she was done with explaining.

"What?" I asked confused.  
"You don't want to say these three little words, cause you're scared, right?" She asked and I nodded in response still not knowing what she was up to. "But what if you don't really need to say them?" That made me even more confused. I slowly raised an eyebrow and Cat rolled her eyes making me feel dumb."Put your feelings into a song!" She said nonchalantly as if that was pretty obvious. "Tell him indirectly that you're in love with him. It's easy: You dedicate a special song to him - a song that shows him how you really feel. A looooovesong!" She screeched overzealously but immediately became serious again."Oh, but don't forget to tell him that it's for him! Because he might think you're singing it to André or someone else... And that would be sad. Cause you're in love with him, not with André, hahaha. Oh, imagine you were in love with André! That would be so funny! But...you're in love with Beck... So you have to sing this song to him!" She giggled excided. "And afterwards he'll know! He'll break up with Jade, you two get together and I'm a happy Kitty-Cat!" She giggled even more and clapped her hands together. "Oh, I just called myself Kitty-Cat! Yaaay, I love nicknames!"

Wow. I just stared at her for a few seconds trying to make sure I had understood everything she had just said. Singing a lovesong. To Beck. To confess him my feelings? That was...

"Cat, that's by far the best idea you ever had!" I said still a bit gobsmacked.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, it's just... your idea is perfect! It's amazing!"

"Oh yaay, thank you!" She squeaked and pulled me into a hug. "So, you're ready for this evening?"

"What do you mean? This evening? Huh?" I raised an eyebrow. This didn't please me... Not at all.  
"You're going to perform at Nozu's tonight and you're going to tell Beck!"  
"Uhm, what?"

"Didn't I tell you?"  
"NO!"

"Oh, I called at Nozu's and settled everything! It's karaoke night tonight and you're going to perform!" She replied clapping her hands together as if this wasn't a problem.  
"WHAT?" I shrieked panic-fueled.

"Yeaaah, this will be so much fun!"  
"Cat, are you serious? You mean... I... I have to... Eh, wait! why do I have to perform? I thought these karaoke nights were optional! I can still cancel it, right? I don't have to if I don't want to to, right?"  
"Oh, they asked if I know somebody to open the show so everybody could get into the mood for an amazing karaoke night! And I thought you are perfect for that... I told them that you would love to perform a song for a special person. They were stoked! Sooo, you're going to perform tonight! You have to! Hihihi, isn't that great?" She giggled once again and looked at me full of enthusiasm. My heart skipped a beat. What? She was joking with me, right? God, please tell me she was just joking with me! Me? Going to perform tonight? NO! No, no, no, no, no! I wasn't ready for that! I mean... I wanted to give Cat's plan a chance! It was great, it was perfect! But not today! Not now! Oh my godness... No!

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?" I finally screeched making Cat almost jump.  
"Don't scream at me!" She whimpered and gave me a panic look as if she feared I was about to kill her. Oh, trust me, I really was!

"Caaaat! I'm not ready for that! I CAN'T DO THAT! Not today! This is all way too fast. And Beck is still in a relationship with Jade! I can't tell him how I feel as long as he's with her!"

"But Tori! You have to! It's all settled..."

"Yeah, because of you and your stupid overhaste!" I groaned but immediately regretted it. When I looked at her she was about to burst into tears. I bit my lip. Shit! I didn't mean to hurt her like that...

"Ahh, you hate me now!" She sobbed making me feel even more guilty.

"No! No, Cat, no!" I replied and pulled her into a soft hug. "Of course not! You're my best friend and I love you! I didn't mean it, I'm sorry! Look, it's just... you can't settle things for me if you haven't asked me before!"

"Sorry!"

"It's okay... Now it's too late anyways..." I replied and gave her a slight smile. "Soo... wanna help me preparing for tonight? I think I need my best friend to calm me down a bit. I don't want to mess up, right? And I have absolutely no idea what to sing. Or what to wear. Help me please?"

"Aww, yay! Sure! I have so many ideas!" She said happily.

"Good. But no decisions over my head please, ok?"

"I would never do that!" No, of course she wouldn't. I chuckled and shook my head.

"Just saying..."

"Kay, kay."

...

"Are you guys ready for our first perfomance tonight? We're going to start with a young lady, who's currently going to Hollywood Arts, so she's an amazing singer! She wants to perform an awesome song by Natasha Bedingfield for someone special... Oohoohoo, who could that be? Hope she's going to tell us! Thank you so much for opening the show, girl! Here's Tori Vega with _Cheer me up_!"

My heart skipped a beat as I heard the young man announcing my performance. Fine. Now it was too late to run away. Gosh, what had I led myself in for? I couldn't do that, I wasn't ready for it! _Oh my god. Okay, Tor, don't panic! All is well! You can do that. Singing a song in front of Beck is nothing new to you, right? You did that a million times, you can do it now, too! No problem for you! Damn girl, pull yourself together now! _I tried to ignore my sweaty hands and the sick feeling in my tummy, but I couldn't hide the nervousness and fear on my face. Cat immediately pulled me into another hug to calm me down a bit. Somewhere in the back of my mind I heard the encouraging words she whispered into my ear. Then she gave me one last hug and pushed me towards the stage. I slowly walked up to it trying to get my nervousness under control. My hands shivered a bit and the sickness in my tummy made me wanna vomit. _God, Tori, pull yourself together. You're going to make it! This is going to be perfect! Come on girl, you can do that!_ I tried to calm myself. It didn't really help, though. As I turned around to realize everybody was starring at me I had to fight the urge of running away. I noticed the absent-minded smile on Cat's face and then flashed André a glance. He winked at me and grinned meaningfully. Why did I have this unpleasant feeling that he knew what was going on? I swallowed when I finally glanced over to Beck who gave me one of his amazing smiles and luckily still had no idea what I was going to do. I felt myself blushing and quickly averted his eyes. Then I took the microphone. _Now there's no way back..._

"This song is dedicated to a very special person..." I said with a shivering voice. "Uhm, yeah. You've already heard that, I know... Whatever... Hope you like it!"

"Go Tori, go Tori!" Cat's and Robbie's cheer made me laugh and actually calmed me down a bit for a moment. I still could feel Beck's eyes resting on me but I didn't have the heart to look at him. My heart beated pretty strongly against my chest making me wanna run away. It took me quite a lot to ignore it. But then I was finally able to focus on my plan. _Okay, concentrate now, Tori! This is all for Beck, don't ruin it. _With a deep breath I closed my eyes. As soon as the music had started I felt myself relaxing a bit. Wow, Cat was right. Putting my feelings into a song was so much easier than telling him directly... When the first verse started I opened my eyes again giving my best attention to Beck who was still smiling at me full of expectation.

_Mmm...whoaa...whoaa  
Yeah, uhh_

_You get me out of my seat_

_It's like I've been in bed for a week_

_I've been slippin' n' slidin' all over the place_

_And nobody cares I'm such a disgrace_

_You get me out of my mood_

_That's something only you can do_

_Cause I feel like I'm home when I'm in your arms_

_And that's why I need you to_

_Cheer me up_

_Come on dance with me_

_And you take my hand_

_Cheer me up (oh,oh)_

_Even if we're the only ones dancing_

_Cheer me up (whoa...)_

_Please won't you cheer me up (oh,oh)_

_Even if we're the only ones dancing_

_Give me a reason to smile_

_The kind that will last for a while_

_Like only you know how, make it OK now_

_You got your ways to make this girl's day_

_It's the magic that's in your touch_

_It makes everything mean so much_

_The poetry in your eyes is enough in itself to take me to a high_

_Whoa... (Take me to a high)_

_You Gotta Cheer Me Up..._

_Cheer me up_

_Come on dance with me_

_And you take my hand_

_Cheer me up (oh,oh)_

_Even if we're the only ones dancing_

_Cheer me up (whoa...)_

_Please won't you cheer me up (oh,oh)_

_Even if we're the only ones dancing_

_You turn my frown upside down_

_My smile's lost 'n' found when you are around_

_(You cheer me up, cheer me up)_

_You turn my frown upside down_

_My smile's lost 'n' found when you are around_

_Oh, cheer me up_

_Come on dance with me_

_And you take my hand_

_Cheer me up (oh,oh)_

_Even if we're the only ones dancing_

_Cheer me up (whoa...)_

_Please won't you cheer me up (oh,oh)_

_Even if we're the only ones dancing_

_Only you got the magic_

_Only you got the key to my heart, to my heart_

_Yeah...yeah...oh_

_Only you got the magic_

_Only you got the way to my heart (you've got to cheer me up)  
_

_Oh, cheer me up_

_Come on dance with me_

_And you take my hand_

_Cheer me up (oh,oh)_

_Even if we're the only ones dancing_

_Cheer me up (whoa...)_

_Please won't you cheer me up (oh,oh)_

_Even if we're the only ones dancing_

As the song ended I felt relief rushing through my veins. Gosh, I really had done it. I had sung a song to my best friend to finally confess my feelings. Oh my god! I smiled shyly when I caught Beck's eye. He cheered for me like all our other friends but it meant so much more to me seeing him doing it. I could barely hear the young man's moderation and Cat's excited shriek as I slowly walked off the stage. Not a second later I felt her arms wrapping around my waist while she was still bouncing up and down looking at me full of enthusiasm.

"That was amazing, Tori!" She screeched and I gave her a little hug in return.

"Thanks, Cat" I said smiling and finally let go.

"And nooow... Go and talk to him! Go!" She whispered into my ear.

"I think I kinda have to..." I groaned nervously as she gave me another push. I slowly walked over to Beck who was standing there with his warms wide open to pull me into a tight hug. I didn't hesitate in jumping into his arms. He gave me a soft peek on my cheek.

"You were awesome, Tor!" He said with a grin when he finally put me on my feet again.

"Thank you, Beck" I replied shyly and felt myself blushing again. My heart beated strongly against my chest. _It's now or never, Tori! Tell him! _I cleared my throat and looked up again to meet his eyes. He smiled warmly still having his hands rested on my waist. "Uhm, Beck? Remember what I said before the song?" I saw him nodding and quickly broke eye-contact. "That this song was ded-" My voice broke when I noticed a dark dressed girl entering the restaurant.

"Yeah?" Beck asked further. I could swear there was excitement and hope in his voice, but I just shook my head. My eyes still rested on the gothic girl who was coming closer now. Wait, no! No, that couldn't be...

"Hi, babe" Jade smirked and pulled Beck into a tight hug."Sorry for being late, I couldn't make it earlier." Before he could say anything she kissed him passionately and I felt the sudden pain in my chest again. Like someone was stabbing me right into my heart. No, please tell me that this was not happening now. How could my life be so unfair? I wanted to tell my best friend that I love him just to be interrupted by his stupid girlfriend? No! No, no, no, no, no! I forced a weak smile and slowly turned around to face Cat, Robbie and André who were giving me a compassionate look.

"Wait, Tori, you wanted to tell me something" I heard Beck's voice behind me. Well, at least he wasn't kissing Jade anymore...  
"Not important" I murmered trying to stay calm.

"You su-" For a second I was surprised why he broke his voice but then I heard this distinctive sound people made while kissing. My heart skipped a beat and I felt my stomach tighten when I slowly walked over to my friends. Cat immediately pulled me into an encouraging hug and whispered some kind words into my ear. It didn't really help, though, but I still was grateful for having her around. André murmered something I couldn't understand and then I felt Robbie's hand on my shoulder. The unpleasant feeling that they all knew about my problem was overcomming me again, but I didn't even care. They were here for me now and it just felt good.

I didn't know how long I stood there burrying my face in Cat's shoulder. And I didn't know why tell hell Beck didn't notice how he had hurt me. I mean... I felt invisible... He was standing right over there, right? You usually expect your best friend to realize how you feel. But no. My best friend/hopeless crush was too busy making out with his stupid girlfriend. Awesome. I took a few deep breaths trying so hard to calm myself down, but it just wouldn't work. The more I tried the more upset and desperate I became. When I finally detached myself from Cat's embrace I was even more sad than before. She looked at me wearing an encouraging smile on her face, but I slightly shook my head.

"I can't stand this anymore" I whispered trying to hold back my tears. "I think I need some air." Panic was rushing trough my veins again and my breathing was heavy. Without waiting for any reaction I turned around and stormed off. I didn't even stop when I heard Beck crying for me. I felt him trying to grab my arm but I ignored it and quickly left Nozu's. Gosh, what had I done? How could I be so stupid? Almost telling him how I felt... And he hadn't even understood it... He prefered making out with his GIRLFRIEND!

"Argh" I groaned while leaning against the stony wall of the restaurant and burried my face in my hands. "I'm such an idiot!"

I took several deep breaths. The fresh night air didn't really help to calm down, but it was better to be here outside Nozu's instead of watching them eating each other's face. Everything was better than that. And at least I could be alone now for a while. Thinking about how I ruined everything. That just wasn't fair. I should have known it. How could I ever think that Beck Oliver would love me back? And how could I ever think that confessing my feelings would help when he still had a girlfriend? Was I really this stupid? There was no chance for us. There never has been a chance and there never will be one. Time to face the truth. Tori Vega and Beck Oliver was never going to happen. I tried so hard to hold my tears back but with every minute passing by it got even worse. My knees felt weak and the sickness in my tummy made me wanna trow up. I slowly slipped down to the ground and burried my face in my legs. Would things ever be the same again?

"Tori?" The soft, well-known voice that was calling for me made me almost jump.


	11. Do you know what it feels like?

**Author's note:**

Aww, thank you guys so much for all the reviews and alerts! Special thanks to TeamVictorious, FurryFriends143, Enula, Livy.G and Jeremy Shane for reviewing almost every chapter (: That means a lot to me!

Here's chapter ten now. The tension rises :P Who wants to talk to Tori? And will Tori finally be able to tell the truth?

I don't own Victorious! I'd love to, though, but all rights belong to Dan Schneider! :D Aww, did you guys watch the last episode? It was sooo funny, I couldn't stop laughing! But I felt so sorry for Robbie, he's so in love with Cat! I think they would make a cute couple! Let's hope that at least one of my "couple-wishes" will come true :D

* * *

**CHAPTER TEN**

_DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE?_

BECK'S POV

The next thing I knew was that Jade had pulled me into a tight hug and kissed me passionately. I was too suprised to do anything against it, so I just went with it, even though I felt uncomfortable, especially because of Tori who was about to tell me something. God damn it, Tori! What was I doing? Kissing Jade in front of her? _Beck, you're such an idiot! Remember what André had told you this afternoon! How could she even know you're in love with her when you're making out with another girl? IN FRONT OF HER! Stop it! NOW! _I softly pulled away from Jade and then noticed that Tori had already turned around and started walking away.

"Wait, Tori! You wanted to tell me something!" I said nervously but she just shook her head and murmered something that sounded like "not important". Ugh, no. I felt my stomach tighten. There was this feeling again. Guilt. But this time it wasn't because of my girlfriend. This time it was because of Tori. Because of the sadness and hurt I thought I had noticed in her voice. Shit, shit, shit! Why didn't I break up with Jade earlier? How could I be so stupid? Argh, Jade! Why did she have this stupid habit of ruining every single moment between us? I swallowed and glanced over to my girlfriend who still wore this meaningful smirk on her face, then I took a few steps forward to reach out for Tori's hand.

"You su-" But before I could say or do anything I felt Jade's hands on my waist and not a second later her lips were crushing onto mine again. Damn it! Possessive as always... Didn't she say she wanted to change these... things between us? Argh! I wanted to pull away but Jade pulled me closer and forced me to sit down on one of the chairs. When she finally let go to catch her breath I gave her a disbelieving look. She just smirked and approached again, but this time I grabbed her wrist to have some distance between us.  
"Jade!" I exclaimed. "What was that?"

"I missed my boyfriend! Can't I show that to you?"

"Well, yeah, of course you can. But..."  
"Didn't you like it?" She asked and I noticed the increasing madness in her voice. Ugh, not again please.

"That's not what I've said!" I groaned hoping to evade her question.

"So what's your problem, huh?"

"Babe, there's no problem about saying 'Hi!' to your boyfriend, but Tori was about to tell me something and you interrupted her in a kinda... impolite way, to be honest" I replied and tried to sound as mellifluous as possible to not upset her even more. I wasn't in the mood for one of her snit fits. I broke eye-contact and gazed over to my friends who were standing a few tables away. At that very moment I noticed someone with long, brunette hair passing me in a rush. Tori! My heart skipped a beat as I saw tears in her eyes and without thinking I tried to grab her arm making her stay. She quickly drew aside and made her way to the exit of the restaurant.

"Tori! Tori, wait! Hey! What's wrong with you?" I cried for her, but she didn't reply and ran out of Nozu's without showing any reaction. "TORI! PLEASE!" God damn it! No! I got the urge of running after her but I choked it down. With a deep sigh I turned back to Jade who had raised her eyebrow and glanced at me with one of her _"Are you kidding me?"_ looks.

"Vega again? Seriously?"

"I thought we've got this straight!" I replied trying to stay calm. It didn't really work, though.

"Are you accusing me?" She almost yelled now. I took a deep breath and was about to make an excuse, but then I had second thoughts.

"Well yeah, actually I am!" I replied. "I thought you'd realized something after our conversation earlier this day! But obviously you didn't."

"Fine! If that's what you're thinking, I'm better leaving!"

"Jade, come on, don't be foolish!"

"Don't call me foolish, Beck Oliver! You obviously don't like your girlfriend to show you how much she loves you. You prefer talking to your precious Tori! Okay, I got it, I'm fine with that!" She said in a rage and took a few steps back obviously really wanting to go. Without thinking I grabbed her wrist and made her stop.  
"Jade! You're exaggerating and you know that! Come on, why can't we just have a normal talk like every other couple? Why do we always have to fight?" Saying that was mistake. Instead of calming her down it made her even more furious.

"That's what you're thinking? We are always fighting?"  
"No, Jade! All I want to say is tha-"  
"Well, you know what, Beck? You have no idea what a real fight is! I'm going home now! Thanks for ruining my day! And don't you dare to come over unless you don't know what you really want!" And without waiting for a response she turned around and stormed off – but not before kicking at some chairs and tables making everybody stare at her.

"What? Wait! Jade!" I exclaimed but she ignored me. Awesome. I felt upcoming rage rushing through my body and before I could try to calm myself down I banged my fist on the table.

"Fuck!" I yelled and took several deep breaths. This was by far the worst evening I've had lately. First my girlfriend interrupted Tori while she wanted to tell me something important, then she starts another stupid fight again and as if that wasn't enough Tori ran out crying and I absolutely had no idea what to do. God damn it! Why couldn't anything just go right some time? A pretty annoyed sigh slipped out of my mouth, when I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder.

"What?" I groaned sounding harsher than I planned it.

"Man, it's just me!" André replied. I slowly turned around to face him.

"Sorry, dude" I said and forced a smile. "I'm just… stressed."  
"Did you two fight again?"  
"Yeah… kinda…"

"Beck, why are you still with her? I thought you had realized something after our conversation this afternoon!" He said and gave me a searching look. I swallowed. Man, that was exactly the same sentence I had said to Jade a few minutes ago. And I knew he was right. I should have broken up with her today. I had been so close to doing it… Damn it! Stupid conscience of mine!

"I know and I did! I really wanted to break up with earlier… But she started crying and… man, I can't handle crying girls! I felt guilty and she begged me for a second chance. What was I supposed to do, huh?" I explained and another sigh slipped my lips.

"You should have been honest to her and to you! You're holding on to this lie instead of getting things straight! Man, you're in love with Tori, not with Jade!"

"I know, I know… Trust me, I really wanted to check things with Jade, but I guess I didn't have enough guts. I'm going to break up with her tomorrow and I'll tell Tori what I feel for her. I can't stand this anymore. - Ah, dude! Speaking of Tori… Do you know what was wrong with her? I swear I saw her cryi-"

"YOU'RE STILL ASKING?" He cut me off making me feel even worse. "Man, I can't believe it! Open your eyes!" I couldn't remember a time when André had been this upset.

"Wh-what?" I said nervously.

"Dude, this whole song-thing was… damn it, I can't believe you still didn't get it!"

"André!"

"You know what? You should ask her! She said she just needed some air, I bet she's still outside. Ask her, I'm sure she can explain this better than I could. And don't ruin everything again!"

"Ruin everything again?" I asked confused.

"Man, just go and look for her! Before it's too late!" He exclaimed and before I could say anything else he turned around and walked over to Cat and Robbie. With an uncomfortable feeling I glanced over to them. They all looked at me as if I was the world's biggest idiot making me feel even guiltier. What the hell was going on right now?  
"Just go, Beck" Cat said sadly.

"Alright, alright, I got it. I'm on my way!" I replied raising my hands in excuse. Without waiting for any reaction I stood up and quickly left the restaurant. I didn't take me that long to find Tori. She was sitting on the ground with her back leaning against the wall of Nozu's and her head buried in her knees. Her long hair covered her face, but I could swear she was crying. Seeing her like this made me sick. I couldn't rid off this feeling that it was my fault… I slowly approached and knelt down in front of her.

"Tori?" I whispered softly and reached out for her shoulder.

TORI'S POV

I slowly lifted my head to see if I was right with my guess. I was. As I caught Beck's eye the butterflies in my stomach went wild again, but I immediately hided my face in my knees again. I didn't want him to see me like this. He possibly didn't know that I was crying because of him, so why change that? Maybe I could convince him that it was nothing. Okay, I know, I know. Trying to act like all was well while I was actually crying my eyes out probably wasn't that convincing… But anyways. He wasn't allowed to know. And I'll somehow make him believe me.

"Tori, what's wrong?" He asked softly and put his hand on my shoulder. "Hey. Sweetie!" _Oh no, here we go again._ Sweetie. Why did he have this effect on me? Every single word he said and every single thing he did carried weight. That wasn't normal. _Shit, Tori! Pull yourself together. _I slowly raised my head again and swallowed hard as I noticed the worried expression in his eyes.

"It's… it's nothing" I murmured trying to bear down an awkward sob. I totally failed.

"Tori, you usually don't start crying because of nothing. Come on, what's wrong with you? You can tell me everything" Beck asked further. I swallowed again and then shook my head. There was this kind of sadness in his eyes again and I forced myself not to look at him anymore. With another awful sob I buried my face in my knees again and tried to calm down my heavy and fast breathing. "Sweetie, you know you can tell me. I'm your best friend!" Beck whispered softly. I didn't reply, I just held my eyes closed hoping he would just leave me alone. Of course he wouldn't, but at least it was worth a try, wasn't it? God, he didn't know how much I wanted to tell him. But I couldn't. He was the cause of this whole shit I was in; he was the last person I could talk to right now. "Tori, please!" I could feel his searching gaze resting on me. Jeez, how I hated that… He wouldn't stop until he knew. But I just couldn't let him know. It would ruin everything! I didn't want to lose him, I couldn't. Somehow I knew he deserved an answer, but I tried to hold back this feeling. Still remaining silent I lifted my head again. I didn't look at him, I just glanced over to the parking cars and motorbikes forcing myself not to burst into tears again. Could this day get any worse? First I had to make this awful performance to tell Beck how I really felt, then it was his stupid girlfriend again who interrupted me and now it was Beck of people who wanted to cheer me up? The boy who was the cause of my problems? The boy because of whom I was crying now? Gosh, that all sounded like one of these really bad movies…  
My heart skipped a beat when I suddenly felt his warm hand under my chin as he softly forced me to look him in the eye. The butterflies in my stomach went wild when he didn't remove it. He gave me a serious look and raised an eyebrow.

"Why are you crying?" He asked. A sigh slipped my lips as I quickly grabbed his hand to free myself from his grip. I swallowed and averted his gaze when I felt myself tearing up again. Gosh, why couldn't he just let me be? Why couldn't he go back to his stupid Jade?

"Where's Jade?" I didn't really know why I even asked this. It's not that I was interested in the answer… Maybe it was an awkward try to change the subject. A pretty awkward try. A completely useless and senseless try.

"She left."

"Oh." It was barely more than a whisper. How come I hadn't seen her leaving? Ah, well. I was probably too busy… yeah, doing what? Crying? Thinking about Beck? Once again crying… Gosh, what a miserable life. "Did you two fight again?" I asked trying to keep the conversation going. Maybe it would work, maybe he would stop bothering me with these stupid questions. And if not… well, at least I had tried it.

"Yeah, we did. But that doesn't matter now, Tori. Can you please tell me what's wrong with you? I can see that you feel bad, so why don't you wanna talk to me? I just want to help you, sweetie! I hate to see you like this!" His voice was stronger now, much more demanding, but still worried. I knew that I had to talk to him sooner or later. _(By later I mean never!) _Something kept telling me that I should spill out the truth. It didn't matter anymore, did it? He knew something was wrong and he wouldn't stop asking until he had found out the reason for my sadness. And that this reason was him… wasn't pretty calming. Not at all.

"Beck, I… I really appreciate that, but… you can't help me. It's something… really personal and… I just need some time to think about it. Alone." For the first time this evening I looked at him voluntarily. That was a mistake. A simple look into his eyes made me almost lose my mind. I didn't know why but there was this urge again. This urge of telling him the truth – and I totally knew that it was wrong.

"Why?" He asked. "You can talk to me, no matter what it is! We're best friends and I want to help you. Tori, please, there must be something I could do!" _Breaking up with Jade. Telling me you love me. Kissing me. There are a lot of things you could do. But you wouldn't. _As these thoughts crossed my mind, I felt myself tearing up again. I quickly shook my head in response and tried to whip away the tears that were running down my cheeks now. He gave me a concerned look and approached a bit, so he could sit next to me. Then, without any warning, he wrapped his arm tightly around me and before I could do anything he pulled me closer and gave me a sweet kiss on my hair. My heart skipped a beat as I breathed in his smell. I was crying hopelessly when I buried my face in his chest. I didn't want to, especially not in front of him, but I just couldn't help it. _Oh my gosh, what am I doing? I'm crying my eyes out because of Beck while he's sitting right next to me! And he doesn't even know what's wrong. Shit, Tori! Stop crying! You make it even worse!_ That was by far easier said than done. Once again it seemed that the more I tried to calm down the sadder I became. Luckily, Beck had obviously understood that there was nothing he could do but holding me close, because he didn't ask further anymore. He just held me in his arms with his one hand running through my hair and the other stroking my back. And I didn't really know why, but it somehow helped. At least a bit.

There was a long silence between us and we were just sitting next to each other. I was still hiding my face in his chest and he was stroking my hair without any comment or question. Every now and then a sob slipped out my lips, but I wasn't crying anymore. When I finally lifted my head again, he gave me another concerned look.

"You feel a bit better now?" He asked softly and brushed my hair back behind my ear. He didn't remove his hand immediately, though, and I could feel my heart beating faster again.

"A little" I replied and a slight smile appeared on his face.

"Will you tell me what's wrong now?"

"Beck…" I sighed heavily and looked at him with a tortured expression. "I really would… You don't know how much I would like to tell you, but…"  
"Then do it!" He cut me off making me sigh again.

"I… I just can't. Why can't you accept that?"

"Because you're my best friend and I know that you can't hold this back anymore. I want you to be happy, I can't stand seeing you like this! I want to help you! Please tell me if there's something I can do! I'd do anything to make you feel better. – Wait, Tori, is it because of me? Did I do anything wrong?" His sudden question made my heartbeat stop for a second. _Sorta… Pretty much everything?_ I hate myself for thinking something like this. And I hated myself even more for making him feel guilty. God damn it, why did it have to come this far? Why couldn't I have hided my feelings? _Tori, you're the stupidest girl ever!_  
Now was the time I would usually run away, but something held me back. I looked at him for about a minute, not quite sure of what I should say. He just stared back with this worried and nervous expression on his face making me feel even worse. Then I finally opened my mouth to give him an answer, even though I still wasn't sure what I wanted to say.

"No, Beck. God, please don't blame you for that! It's just… I'm just a bit jazzed, lately. And… it's okay. I can handle this." I forced an awkward fake smile. _Yeah, sure. Cause that's exactly what I look like…_

"I can't really buy that, Tor" Beck whispered.

"I… I know" I whispered between two other sobs. "But… god damn it, Beck! Why can't you just stop asking and leave me alone?"

"Tori, please!" The hurt sound in his voice made me feel sick. I didn't want him to feel like that. He was worried way too much about me. And this one time I didn't want to have him around he refused to leave me alone… Why couldn't he understand? Only this one time… I looked at him with another tortured expression on my face and swallowed hard. _Shit, no. Not again…_ But before I could hold them back tears started running down my cheeks again and I just couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry" I murmured and buried my face in my hands. "Really! I didn't mean it."

"Hey, it's okay, it's fine, Tori! God, sweetie, what's wrong with you? I've never seen you like this before!" He pulled me into another tight hug and held me close for a while. I could feel his warm breathing on my neck giving me goose bumps. I felt like an idiot. Crying outside of a restaurant in front of my best friend, who was actually the reason for my tears… yes, my life definitely was a bad movie. A really bad movie.

When I suddenly felt his lips on my cheek my stomach tightened. "I'm always there for you! I want you to know that!" he whispered softly into my ear and finally broke the hug giving me a worried look.

"I know… thanks, Beck" I replied shyly and leant back against the wall. He softly squeezed my hand and approached again.

"I'd do anything for you, I mean it!" He whispered and blushed a bit as he stroked my cheek. "And I meant what I told you earlier this day. You're the most important person in my life!" A first smile appeared on my face and I quickly pulled him into a tight hug in response. Gosh, I couldn't even describe what I really felt for him. He meant so much to me. More than every other person. When he softly broke the hug, he caught my eye and smiled warmly. I sobbed and rested my head on his shoulder as he put his arm around me again. "And you'll always be" he whispered making me smile a bit brighter. I could feel his lips on my cheek again. Then, there was silence between us for a while and I closed my eyes trying to picture this moment. It would be kind of perfect if I wasn't crying and if this whole situation wasn't this… awkward. But it somehow seemed good to me anyways. Having him this close meant so much to me.

"Do you… do you know what it feels like loving someone that… doesn't see you the way you see him?" I suddenly asked quietly. I didn't know why, but the words just slipped out of my mouth. I hadn't even planned it and as soon as they were said I already regretted it. What was I thinking? This was exactly the thing I didn't want to talk about. Why couldn't I keep my trap shut?

"I do." Beck said. I could swear there was some sort of sadness in his voice, but I quickly pushed this thought away. Why should he be sad? How could he be? He had a girlfriend. He was happy with her. Well, somehow…

"No, you don't. You have Jade!" I replied trying to bear down another sob.

"Maybe, but… Tori, I… I don't love her." He looked at me and forced an awful smile.

"W-what?" My voice broke as I caught his eye. I wanted to say something else, but as soon as I had opened my mouth I already had to close it again. My heart pounded strongly against my chest and my tummy tightened as Beck laid his hand on my cheek. With a soft stroke he whipped away one last tear and not a second later I could feel his soft lips pressing against mine. For a few seconds I froze, not quite sure about what was going on. But then I suddenly lost every feeling for my body, I actually felt numb, and not a second later my heart started beating strongly against my chest and the butterflies in my stomach went wild again. _Oh my, what's happening to me?_ Beck's kiss was soft and gentle; he didn't chevy me at all. And then, as the feeling for my body returned, I finally kissed him back. I still felt Beck's hand on my cheek and without knowing why I put my hand on his and intertwined our fingers as he smiled slightly into the kiss. This just felt so right…

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It's cheesy, I know :D And I almost cried while writing it, haha. But anyways, I hope you like it. It's not done yet, there will be more chapters (: Not much more, I guess, but at least two!


	12. I feel my heart is dancing

**Author's note:**

I'm so sorry it took me such a long time to update! There were a lot of things going on and I didn't have enough time to write another chapter, but here it finally is: chapter eleven. Beck and Tori are about to check things up (: But someone watches them. Guess who, huh? Hope you like it 3

And thanks so much for the reviews (: You guys are so cute! Love reading them, especially cause you're all so nice!

I still don't own Victorious, all rights belong to the awesome Dan Schneider!

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**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

_I FEEL MY HEART IS DANCING_

BECK'S POV

Without really thinking about it I had told her the truth. I had told her that I didn't love Jade. And it had felt like a huge weight was falling from my heart. And then… I didn't know what I was doing, I had obviously lost my mind. It had somehow come over me as she had looked at me full of confusion and despair and I just couldn't hold it back any longer. I kissed her, I actually still was kissing her right now. My best friend, I secretly was in love with. And gosh did it feel good! At first I was shy, waiting for her to push me away or slapping me right in my face. But she didn't. She put her hand on mine and the beating of my heart became stronger and irregular as I recognized that Tori kissed me back. Her soft lips were pressing against my mouth and I gently pulled her a bit closer. She shivered under my touch, but then she sank gratefully into my arms as if she feared I would let go. It was the most amazing kiss I ever had, even though my mind kept telling me that I wasn't allowed to do it. I loved her, but I was sure that I was destroying what we had. But I couldn't help it, I didn't even want to. I had wanted this to happen so badly and now that I finally could do it, I didn't want it to stop. I wanted this moment to last forever. I knew it wouldn't, but I would give anything to never let this go.

After what seemed like forever we finally broke the kiss. Something kept telling me that she didn't want this kiss to stop - exactly like I didn't. Maybe it was an illusion, but for the first time I thought she might love me back. She had closed her eyes, wearing an unreadable expression on her face as I glanced at her with my hand still resting on her cheek. I softly stroked it and she blinked once or twice before finally opening her eyes. A slight smile appeared on her face while she kept looking at me without saying a word. I didn't know what to say either, so we remained silent for a while, gazing into each other's eyes. She was confused, I just knew it, and I couldn't really blame her for that.

"Beck… I… I don't understand. What… what was-" She cut herself off when she saw me shaking my head.

"Will you promise me one thing?" I asked in a whisper, leaning my forehead against hers. She barely nodded. "Let me explain before you freak out." Her eyes widened in confusion. I pulled her into a tight hug and took a deep breath. Time to tell the truth. "You have every right to hate me, Tori, but please listen to me. I love you! I love you since the day we've become friends. You're the most amazing person I've ever met and you mean everything to me. I… I just couldn't show that to you. You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you this! But I was scared that it would ruin our friendship. And… I'm an idiot, I know. And you probably don't even believe me, because I'm still with Jade. But I meant what I told you a few minutes ago. I don't love her. I… I like her, but she's more like a pretty good friend or a sister. I have never felt for her what I'm feeling for you. I… I'm dating her because I thought it would help me to forget about you. It's probably the worst thing I've ever done and I really hate myself for being this selfish, but once I had started this whole shit, I wasn't really able to stop it. And… all I could say now is that I'm sorry! I've never meant to do this to you! I'm a complete asshole, I know. That's probably no excuse, but I hope you can forgive me. Because… I love you, Tori."

There was an awkward silence between us after my explanation. She stared at me pretty confused and with tears in her eyes, not able to say a word or even move. I forced myself to look at her, still holding her wrists. I knew I had overstrained her with what I've said and I honestly couldn't blame her for that. I somehow had hoped she would be happy. There was this idea in my mind, that she would kiss me again and tell me she loved me. And that she didn't care about Jade or anything I had done. But I knew she wouldn't. That wasn't like her. I swallowed hard and finally backed off a bit. This was probably the most amazing and most awful night I've ever had…

"You… you love me?" Tori suddenly whispered.

"I always have."

"Oh, Beck!" She cried and the next thing I noticed was that she threw herself into my arms. Without waiting I pulled her close as she pressed her face against my chest. I slowly ran my fingers through her hair trying to make her feel better. Jeez, this was probably the worst declaration of love I've ever made. It wasn't really encouraging seeing the girl you love crying after all this shit we went through and I didn't know how to handle it.

"Tori" I whispered into her hair, "believe me, dating Jade was the worst decision I've ever made. I hate myself for hurting you! I've never meant to cause you pain or make you cry. Please stop crying, sweetie! And please talk to me!" She slowly backed off, still crying and sobbing, and looked at me trying to catch her breath again. I softly whipped her tears away and stroked her cheek. "I'm sorry" I said. I felt awful and guilty. What had I done?

"Don't be!" She replied shyly and blushed a bit. "Beck, I…" A sigh slipped her lips as if it was costing her quite an effort to say it. "You… you absolutely have no idea how much I wanted you to say this. You don't know what this means to me! Our… our kiss was amazing and I wanted it so badly! You mean so much more to me than only the best friend. You mean everything to me! Because…" She took another deep breath and closed her eyes. "Because I love you." The last words were barely more than a whisper. My heart skipped a beat when I slowly realized what Tori had just said. She loved me? She really loved me? She opened her eyes again and shyly glanced over to me forcing a weak smile. My heart started beating strongly against my chest again as I slowly approached. "I wanted to hide it… But I guess I totally failed." An awkward laugh slipped out of her mouth making me grin. Gosh, she didn't know what her words meant to me. "And… where are we now? What about Jade? She's still your… girlfriend." She whispered sadly and quickly averted my gaze. I knew she was right. There still was Jade. I should have been happy: Tori loved me, I loved her. This usually would be the time I would ask her to be my girlfriend, but considering the fact I was still with Jade that was a pretty bad idea. And that was exactly the reason why I wasn't as happy as I should be. I didn't want to hurt Tori, but that was exactly what I was doing. Because of Jade. And I really didn't know how to make her feel better.

When I reached out my hand to lay it under her chin and forced her to look at me again, I felt how she tried to resist, but I won. As our eyes met again I felt some sort of butterflies in my stomach. Without waiting for any reaction I pulled her face closer to mine and gave her a soft, but loving kiss. She didn't fight against it, so I wrapped my arms around her and deepened it. I wanted to show her what I really felt for her. She obviously still thought I didn't mean it and I hated to see her this uncertain. My heart skipped another beat when I felt her hand touching my cheek, then she kissed back. A slight smile appeared on my face as I softly broke the kiss again. She gave me a sad look.  
"Does this answer your question?" I asked.

"Um..." She barely shook her head.

"Tori, I want to be with you! I love you and I want to make you happy! I beg you to give me a chance. I'm going to break up with Jade. It's something I should have done long ago..."

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been more positive." I replied. She smiled weakly and rested her head on my shoulder. "This was probably not as great as it could have been, but I'm glad we checked things, Tor. And I know we can work this out…"

"Beck, don't say this. I know, it probably could have been easier, but I honestly wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Your relationship with Jade made me realize what you really mean to me. I was blind and I guess I needed to get hurt to find out what I really want. Jeez, that's mental, I know."

"It's not. I guess, I should consider myself lucky then, that I was with Jade. Otherwise we would still be just friends. And we would have been nothing more…"

"Dunno. Maybe… But I don't want to think about that now. I'm glad things changed. Because I love you, Beck." She blushed as she slowly lifted her head and faced me. My heart pounded strongly against my chest again and I felt my stomach tighten. God damn it, one simple look of her made me almost lose my mind.  
"I love you too." I whispered and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Then I slowly leaned in for another kiss.

JADE'S POV

Stupid pearphone of mine! Always at a place where I couldn't reach it. In this case: Nozu's. God damn it! Someone really wanted to get one over me! This just wasn't true, now I really needed to head over to this fucking restaurant to get my silly cellphone back. This fucking restaurant I had left quite furious about half an hour ago because of Beck. And Vega, this stupid bitch. These two were the last people I wanted to see now. But I obviously had to, because someone thought he could joke with me. AND BECAUSE OF MY DAMN PEARPHONE! I didn't even know why I wanted it back, I hated it. It was ugly. It reminded me of fruit salad. It wasn't even black, the only color that didn't make me want to vomit, it was orange. Argh, I hated orange. And it looked like a pear! That was enough reason to hate it. Whose idea was it to use a stupid, disgusting fruit for the design of a cellphone? I mean… really? A pear? Were there even any normal people in this country? _God damn it, I hate my life!_

I still was pretty mad, not to say furious, when I arrived at Nozu's. Gosh, I didn't want to believe that I really wanted to go back in there. This was going to be embarrassing. And man, I hated to be embarrassed. Beck would think I was crawling back to him after only thirty minutes. But memorize that: Jade West would never, never in her whole life crawl back to a stupid guy. Not even if his name was Beck Oliver. And to make sure he wouldn't get things wrong, I quickly had decided to ignore him. I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to crawl back to me! And he surely would after this…

He wouldn't. That was the first thing I had to notice when I walked over to the entrance of the restaurant. The second thing was, that he and this Vega bitch were kissing. KISSING! My boyfriend kissed another girl! Was this all some stupid nightmare, or something? I quickly hid behind a bush to make sure they wouldn't notice me. I just couldn't take my eyes off them. It was disgusting! My boyfriend made out with his fucking best friend in front of Nozu's! With this fucking ugly, bitchy, crooked boyfriend-stealer named Tori Vega! NO! I felt myself tearing up and I didn't even fight against it. How could he do that to me? He told me he wanted to give us another chance! He told me he believed in us. He told me loved me! – Wait, no! No, he didn't. He has never, never during our whole relationship, told me that he loved me. When we had another fight, he wanted to make up as soon as possible, but he never seemed like he was truly sorry. It was me, who put his arm around me, he never did it just because he wanted it. It was me who started the make out sessions in school, not him. And when I asked him to do me a favor he did it because I wanted him to do it and to avoid another fight, not because he wanted to make me happy. He called me babe, but he never said I was his girl. And all those stupid, manky pet names a boy could use in a relationship were reserved for HER. Tori Vega. She was the one he called sweetheart, sweetie and darling. She was the one he cared for. And suddenly I started to realize…


End file.
